LITTLESCRIBE: How to Small Talk Your Way to a First Date

@supergoodliving and I handled the topic of small talk in a post a few days ago. Be sure to read that post here if you’d like a refresher. 

Today I'm going to tackle the subject in depth, within the context of dating. In the aforementioned post I established how we humans use small talk to build connections, assess personality, gather information, and find common ground.

Asking a girl on a date is just an extension of this. The MAIN thing you need to remember about women is that we are just ordinary people, like you, and we like to be viewed and treated as such. I know. What a shocker. But this attitude kind of demystifies the approach to dating, and can settle your nerves. And the more comfortable you are, the more comfortable we are around you.

I'm about to give you some easy-to-use tactics in small talk. If you tend to be extra nervous approaching people, I recommend practicing the following skills on people who carry less emotional risk for you--like the bank teller, the grocery clerk, a neighbor, the mechanic, or even your own family and friends--before you practice on a girl you are interested in. This way you can kind of get your bearings as to how human beings respond to your attempts at generating conversation. 

GETTING A DATE

So I’ll break down the “small talk” into 4 easy steps: 

How's the Weather?

1. Take ordinary phrases like “how’s the weather,” and tweak them a little to make them more personalized and witty. 

This will help her to open up more than she normally would, which makes conversation a little more personal and easy going. For example:

• It’s the day before Thanksgiving. Rather than saying, “So what are your plans for Thanksgiving?” say, “So are you cooking the turkey this year, or are you boycotting?” 
• It’s an unexpectedly warm day for December. Rather than saying, “It ended up being so hot today.” say, “I got all dressed up in my ugly Christmas sweater for nothing. Fooled again!” 
• You’re in a long line at Starbucks. You notice the girl in front of you is wearing really stylish, but uncomfortably high-heeled shoes. Rather than saying, “This line is so long, I wish they’d speed things up.” say, “It’s a good thing you planned ahead and wore your most comfortable shoes for this occasion. I should have done the same.” Then point to your sneakers. Ham it up a little, pull your pant leg up a bit to reveal your sexy ankle, and point to your toe. It may  just get a laugh. 
• The Cubs just won. You’re not sure if she follows sports. Rather than “Can you believe the Cubs won this year?!” say, “Now that the Cubs have won, I don’t really know what to do with myself! I’m going to have to find another cause to believe in. Any suggestions?”

2. Like any good sales pitch, you want to offer options for her to choose from that close the deal. 

In other words, anything that involves you two together is what she has to choose from. And because you’re using humor, then if she turns you down you can just play it off as nothing and still have fun with it. For example:

• Rather than, “Got any big plans this weekend?” say, “This was a long week. I think a trip to the Bahamas is in order. Care to join?” If she DOES care to join, you can pretend to plan all the great things you’d do while there. If she plays along, this will give you an idea of what she likes and get her to open up about some things. It also segues nicely into what you would ACTUALLY do on an average weekend, such as go to your favorite coffee shop, or take a walk on the pier. And because you’ve already got a “yes” from her on the Bahamas, psychologically speaking she’ll be in the mood to say yes again to you in general. You’d be amazed at this tactic, because in her mind, she’s on the beach, in her bikini, drinking a martini, being fanned and oiled by a hot Bohemian, and you’re the one who gave the whole thing to her. Ahhhh. Isn’t that a nice thought? Of course she’ll go out with you. Are you kidding me? 
• Rather than, “The train must be running late today.” say, “Well, I guess the driver had too much egg nog. We’re going to have to take it up with management. Maybe we should start a protest. I’ll get one of those megaphones and you can bring the signs.” She may just play along. Even a slight smile or a barely imperceptible chortle is playing along in my book. Then add, “If it doesn’t work out, we could always just carpool. Should I get your number so I know where to pick you up?” She’ll see right through it, and that’s the point. If she says that she goes a totally different direction for work, then you get to ask her about what she does for a living. Get to know her a little bit. Then close the deal with, “Well, you might as well give me your number anyway, since we’re on the subject of phone numbers.” If she says no, you can try another approach, or you can drop it. It’s up to you. I recommend you read my post on Why the Jerks Get All the Girls. 
• Rather than, “Today is so busy. I wish the boss would let up!” say, “I just found out that all this time, we’ve been getting PAID to work here. Isn’t that great news? We should celebrate. Drinks on me. Should we leave now, or wait until after work?” 

Remember, her ONLY options are to either interact with you, or go on a date with you. And she’ll find it humorous how you got her to that point. She’ll be more likely to say yes, barring some unforeseen obstacle, such as maybe she’s a hologram, or she is married, or she is dying of cancer and only has one day to live. Other than that, you’ll probably do great! 

3. Remember the context you’re in, and pull from it. 

Depending on how you know this girl, your conversation starters should be crafted accordingly. If you have NO context with this person, then you’ll need to spend a little more time establishing some trust and giving her the opportunity to open up to you. If you’ve been working on a project together for weeks, or if you see each other daily at the train and have had occasional eye contact or small talk in the past, you already have common ground and might be able to take more liberties. 

I found a really great list of conversation starters on englishhub.com. Each phrase listed depends on the setting and is crafted thusly. But remember, we’re tweaking these, and making them more personalized. We’re also offering choices so she has to pick between one of two ways to be involved with you. 

Your assignment is to take a few top picks from each category and tweak them to your liking--something funny or witty and original preferably. Memorize them, then you can have them at the ready and won’t need to think on your feet too much when the occasion arises. 

4. Practice on regular people you come in contact with who don’t mean anything to you. 

Practice the above lines you crafted on some unsuspecting victims at the grocery store or the bank, to get your feet wet. Obviously you won’t be asking the teller out on a date...but heck, maybe you WILL! 

SMALL TALK, NOT SO SMALL

Small talk is not a big deal most of the time. But when it comes to influencing people and drawing the kinds of returns you’d like in new relationships, “small” talk suddenly isn’t so small. It can be an extremely powerful way of producing results to your advantage and building really great relationships. 

The fact is, people don’t extend themselves toward others the way they used to. A hearty “hello” is a little harder to come by than what it was when we were children. Use this to your advantage! You’ll be the one guy in town who does not just text and tweet his fellow human beings, but who makes eye contact and verbally acknowledges them as well. It will be astounding. 

As you practice on people around town, remember to be genuine. You may not really like getting to know strangers, but you may find that there is an element of surprise and reward in doing so. The world may very well open up other possibilities for you. Getting a date will simply feel like a natural extension of something you already do every day--chat with people around you. 

So good luck, and let us know how it goes in the comments below! 

Be sure to follow, comment, and re-steem if you like this article!

All images attribution-free from Pixabay.com