Listening Is Harder Than Law School

"Essentialists are powerful observers and listeners. Knowing that the reality of trade-offs means they can't possibly pay attention to everything, they listen deliberately for what is not being explicitly stated. They read between the lines ... Nonessentialists listen too. But they listen while preparing to say something. They get distracted by extraneous noise. They hyperfocus on inconsequential details. They hear the loudest voice but they get the wrong message. In their eagerness to react they miss the point. As a result they may, using a metaphor from C.S. Lewis, run around with fire extinguishers in times of flood. They miss the lead." — Greg McKeown, Essentialism

I embarrassed myself every time I did improv. I was supposed to listen. I thought I was. I never was.

Someone would give themselves a name, Jerry, then I'd call them something else, Marie. Someone would sound sad, and I'd respond with a joke. Dick! Someone would pause for a split-second, and I'd interrupt their thought. You can't listen when you're in your head, thinking.

We need a better word for real listening. The kind that isn't just waiting to spit predetermined speech. Something like relaxed, interested, mindful, glued, immersed, alive, awake, open, aware ... receptive. I don't know. I think receptive makes sense.

I don't think it's about actively ignoring things; it's about staying open so that the meaningful stuff sticks. Not thinking you know what's coming. Simply taking whatever is given.

Basically listening is about shifting from our default mode of falling for this famous experiment.