Black humor

Black humor

The cop comes home, and there is a wife with a lover. Well, the cop is itself a scream, and what the lover jumps into on the window sill tries to crawl through the window and gets stuck. The cop runs up and grabs that one by the hyy, but the lover slips out, jumps off to the ground and rushes to run. Ment shoots him into the trail all the clip, but misses. He sits down at the table, wraps his head in his hands and contritely repeats: - And he wiped his dick and spent it with the salute.

The hospital department is burning. Firefighter runs up: - Whew! We have extinguished this case. 8 out of 10 patients pumped out! Two could not be saved! The doctor faints. The firemen pumped him out and said: - What is the matter with you? - This is not a body, this is - SIDS!

The kid on the first date: - In short, let's go to the sauna, immediately kill two birds with one stone - and take a rest and rub it up. Full indignation was reflected on the girl’s face: - I don’t mind having sex, and I won’t kill hares ...

President and Government - "United Russia". Anecdotes. The State Duma - "United Russia". The governor, the regional government and the regional duma are United Russia. Mayor and City Council - "United Russia." And in the mess Pindos and pidoras are to blame!

There is an excursion to the nuclear power plant. Behind the glass, two men packed in special such anti-radiation suits very gently drag a small tube. A man asks the guide: - Sorry, but what if they drop this tube? - In principle, nothing will happen .. Within a radius of 115 km ..

There are fox, wolf and bear. Lisa: She took a job in a chicken coop, lasted a week, but there was such a pet that she couldn’t resist and ate, weren’t missing and were kicked out! The wolf: “And I settled down in a kennel, I even learned a cackle and ate with dogs from the same bowl, but I couldn’t stand it and ate a sheep, they didn’t count and rode!” Bear: - And I work at a construction site! Wolf and fox: - And what? Bear: - I work. There are some Tajiks, no one considers them!

A client came to the psychoanalyst. Lay down on the couch and ... silent. The doctor waits patiently. An hour later, the man silently gets up, leaves $ 20, and, having said goodbye, leaves. The next day, the picture repeats ... ... After a week, the psychoanalyst does not stand up for such sessions: - Maybe you can tell me what bothers you? - Wife. She does not shut up for a minute. And you are so good here. Quiet...

A train. In the compartment where the nun is traveling, a lady comes in a posh coat. Anecdotes. Nun: - Lord! How much is such a beauty? Lady: - One night of love ... Removes the coat, under it - a necklace. Nun: - Lord! And how much is this beauty? Lady: - Two nights of love ... Lady takes off gloves ... On her finger there is a ring with emerald. Nun: - Lord! And how much does it cost? Lady: - Three nights of love ... Night. Cell. Knock on the door. Nun: - Who is there? - It's me, Father Andre ... Nun: - Would you, Father Andre, go with your caramel!

Crawling a man in the desert, wants to drink terribly. Mutters: - God, I want to drink like. Then a scapula falls from the sky, a voice says: “Dig it up!” A man took a scoop, a minute later dug a jug with cold water, got drunk. A voice to him: - Bring back the shovel! A man shoved a shovel into the sky, moved on. He goes, he wants. Just thought about it, a scapula falls from the sky: - Dig! A man took a scoop, two minutes later dug up a chest with a little havchik. Ate to the heap, a voice from the sky: - Bring the shovel back! A man threw a shovel, goes further and thinks: - Now it would be good to eat ... just thought, the blade falls from the sky: - Dig! I took a man shovel, digging a minute, two, an hour, three hours. Five hours later, I sat down at the bottom of the pit: - Oh, and for @ I fought! From the sky, a voice: - Bring something back!