LightTheWorld Challenge #9 "When I was Sick, Ye Visited Me" Matthew 25:36

"Sickness and hard times affect us all eventually. We can help lift those who are suffering, even if all we do is devote a little time to visiting them."
From the official lighttheworld site
#lighttheworld
I found this prompt through @hanshotfirst 's day 8 of 25 post to love your enemy.

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You visited me when i was sick and dead inside.

I graduated high school in 2004 at 16 years old.

Prom 2004. I chose to do a group photo! That's me in the middle.
I was pressured to go to university, but i was too scared to move away. I turned 17 just a month before fall classes began at the local (and only) University i had applied to.
I didn't have confidence. I wasn't independent. I didn't even know what those things were.

I was engrossed w grades. Not learning.
I was engrossed w sex. Not love.
I was engrossed w keeping things the way they were. Not embracing change.
I was engrossed w labelling. Not freedom.
I was engrossed w shame. Not empowerment.
I was engrossed in putting others needs and wants before my own. Not setting and keeping my own needs and boundaries.
I was engrossed w accumulating looks and things. Not Self Realization.

After a hard semester the changes kept coming. And i felt more and more out of control.
I hid my true face w sexy, goth type out fits.... roaming a university in 6in knee high buckle up boots(the boots in the picture above). I faked a confidence. Really. I. Had. None.

As that semester rolled on i made a huge mess of the friendships that had moved w me from highschool to college.

The stairwell. Where we used to meet everday.

Before the semester was out. Id accumulated death threats from most of the friends i loved most...

It was Christmas Eve 2005... I think it was. I could be off a year.
After getting myself a diagnosis. I was prescribed lithium along w all the weight loss and energy pills i entrusted my life to....
I decided to end my life.
I didn't think i was worth living.

I took a bunch of lithium and and an assortment of other pills i had. And i lay down in my bed to die.
My cat sparkle lay w me all night and never moved! Which was unlike him!

Sparkle
I slept all through the night and all of Christmas day. Feeling like death... but somehow going nowhere.

One of the few friends that didn't hate me at that point, she came to see me that Christmas evening.
Her short stay with me to bring a gift and take a gift I had gotten for my former best friend, recently turned enemy, made a huge impact on me.

My memory of it isn't crystal clear. I was still really out of it upon her visit.
But years later when I think back on it...im so grateful for her. She wasn't afraid to come meet me, see me at my lowest. She loved me even though I wasn't quite loving myself.

After she left i went to my parents and told them i had taken a bunch of pills probably 18hours earlier.
My mother quickly sprung to action.
She prepared a soup for me. It was ministrone. I remember because it was the most delicious soup in the world at the time. It seems it was just what i needed.
Shortly after i began to vomit. And it was the strangest thing.
Pills. All of the pills i had ingested came back up. And nothing more. Not a drop of soup came up.

Being a bulimic, I knew that was highly unusual.

I sipped soup and my parents forced me to stay awake for a while and i sipped on Sprite too.

My parents never asked me what happened.

My friend who visited me when i was sick, showed me friendship and love. And how valuable those are.
Even though she is no longer in my life, I love her.
She was my friend through so much.she encouraged me and accepted me for a long time when not many others would. Through my mental illness journey she helped me become a stronger person, a more confident person, a more adventurous person, a more compassionate person.
She helped me learn how to drive.
She let me stay up all hours of the night using her computer.
She fed me and cooked w me.
She complimented me and made me feel so good at times!
I would Feed her sometimes when we were driving around pigging out on Dairy Queen.
We even shared a man or two together.
We fought hard and loved each other harder, and she showed me friendship is worth the effort.
I miss her and maybe one day she will be my friend again. And maybe the future we imagined is still possible. Old old friends. Old old friends w grey hair. Old old friends w cats. Old old friends holding hands.

I love you, Michelle.

From
Persephone