I too recently went theough some depression and anxiety in my life. Hadnt thought about suicide since my teen years, i'm 35 now. Have you ever heard of "the secrect"? Its a documentary/movie that can change your life. The secret to life is to think positive. Everything you want in life you can obtain. Think of your wildest dreams and desires. Then ask for it. Then claim it as if you have already recieved it. The energy you put out into the world is what you get back. If you waste time thinking negative, all you'll ever get back in life is negativity. Please look up "the secret". Currently celebrating their 10 year anniversay. Rent it, if u have nex flix or hulu search for it. I promise you'll look at life in a different way.