THE DAY THE BUFOS CAME
It was at about 2 a.m on Feb 27, 2014. I was reading at New BLH(upstairs), a lecture hall in University of Uyo, Nigeria when my brain was romanced by Mr. Sleep. I loyally obeyed nature. I wasn't gone for upto 20 minutes when I sensed that there was 'fire on the mountain'. I first thought it was a dream. I tried to ignore it but the frenzied atmosphere prolonged, my head was forced to assume its anatomical position. I peeped around with my eyes still half closed, the lecture hall which was as tranquil as Madam Kòi Kòi's apartment just some minutes ago was now in a state of perpetual confusion.
(Lady cries out, running feets stamping) Female students were crying, male students were shouting .Some students flew past like 2 to 3 benches heading for the door, not minding the ever zealous ceiling fans which do not hesitate to dance 'ekombi' on the head of any species under the family Hominidae who walks on top of the lecture bences carelessly.
Some students who were busy dancing hakuna~matata in their dreamworld on sensing the chaos in the air, woke up and without bothering to find out what happened took to their heels,(some without their shoes) . Some ran with their eyes still half-closed, collided with the walls and let out a loud cry. Some collided with other sleep-blinded students.
This resulted in more and more collisions and the stampede worsened (like positive feedback mechanism in the human body). I'm telling you, It was like a war scene!!! To worsen matters, some students were bending to their ground while running and swerving from side to side as if an automated machine gun was installed somewhere to dispense the deadly palmfruits sporadically.
I was confused and disorganized. Hundreds of thoughts ran through my mind within nanoseconds. What is happening? Could it be an armed robbery attack, a terrorists attack, a spiritual attack? How can I start running without knowing where the supposed harm is coming from? What if I run and enter the harm's 'dinning room'. Ooh God! Is this how am gonna die? Just as I was still pondering I noticed that even the heavy and very muscular guys that anybody would have counted on even got downstairs before the girls. (no wonder the Bible says : 'Trust not in Human') That singular act stimulated my parasympathetic nervous system? (Huh am I right? Docs help), Whuuush! Adrenaline rush.
Honestly, I can't still fathom how I managed to get downstairs till now, judging from the number of people that struggled squueeze through that narrow staircase at that particular moment. But it happened.
It was after everybody got downstairs and gathered their breath that the big question was popped.......WHAT HAPPENED?
You really dont wanna hear this part. Hmmmm!
A week before this incident, the Department coordinating BIO 121 issued a decree (a degree indeed) that every student in all the 25 departments offering the course must present one Bufo alvarius (Common Toad) for the purpose of dissection. Everyone objected at first because there are too dangers inolved in catching a toad
- Toads have poison glands
- Where there are toads, there are bound to be snakes (shey u no say Toad na snake food ....so luckily 4 u, u dey find toad and u go jam snake finding d same toad, d snake will be like 'oboy so na u dey finish my food 4 dis town, oya lets see me n u, who go dance skelewu pass)
The students where quite aware of these dangers but who are you to complain when 10 marks is involved.
The night this incident took place was the eve of the deadline for submission of the Bufo and offcourse loss of 10 marks (those in the business knw hw 10 marks can change ur life)
So these 3 students gathered all the guts they go, left night class and went searching for Bufo .God helped them and they saw 3 without accosting any serpent, so they brought them back to class, kept them inside a container and kept it in the class.
Fortunately or unfortunately, the toads found their way out of the container and with their normal slimy and moist body jumped on one girl who was sleeping. You know how girls behave. She was like: Jesus o! Jesus o! Oh am dead..am dead...
That was how a whole lecture hall of over 100 galant guys and chics entered into a condition of perpetual chaos, ran as if Boko Haram were on the loose... some injured themselves, some lost their valuables, some even entered into a state of slight shock. After discovering the ridiculous cause of the greatest marathon in the history of the Tuskers, everyone moved quitely back upstairs to count their losses, with a message of shame and defeat boldly written on their faces.
The day is long gone but I will never forget the day they (the Bufos) came! .......
N/B: Bufo is the scientific name for toad.