Hope
Lately my life has been a mess.
Going to the gym is a treat for myself as it helps me think a bit more clearly. I am a veteran, a college dropout, an introvert, and a recovered alcoholic. I have battled my whole life with self esteem, depression, a form of post traumatic stress, alcoholism, sexuality, family, interpersonal relationships, romantic relationships, and a plethora of subjective experiences that have not all been well.
Today as I left the gym someone that knows me personally asked me what I was going to do about paying my rent and utilities. I told them that I did not know. I told them that there isn't anything legal I could do at this point and I will likely face eviction soon. They asked me why I seemed calm about the whole situation. I told them that I had already spent my time crying over this issue. Mostly crying about the possibility of the unknown.
I had spent an amount of time being upset/angry about all of the interviews I have went to that did not lead to employment. All of the people that said they could help me out if I needed to that could not.
I have spent more than enough time trying to rectify problems and seek answers.
At this point I have not given up hope that some shimmer of light will come through the cracks and show me the way. But at I do accept things as they are. One can only spend so much time brooding over problems because at the end of the day it is my belief that one should divert most of one's time fixing problems and not to spend too much time focusing on problems.
I will likely be evicted due to my own fault. I thought that I would be able to find a better job. I thought that through my ethics, demeanor, confidence, and conviction that I would have been more than successful in my endeavors.
The plan thus far is to work towards reenlisting in the United States Army. Civilian life is fairly chaotic and so was the army life. But at least with the army I could manage.
My point of this post, although very subjective and appearing to be easily misconstrued is to never give up hope.
@jerrybanfield If you have read through all of this there was something personal that I meant to talk to you about in regards to my possible reenlistment.
Thank you Tyler for sharing this with us! I will plan to give you a call next time I walk my dogs!
Society likes to say "think positive", and "dont' worry be happy". But..
Positive mindset is not enough, but it is a criteria for success. Planning, and implementing that plan, is also not enough, but its the structure to moving forward. Often we focus on the right methods, but headed in the wrong direction.
You're right, brooding on challenges in our lives is time/effort wasted, but its often through these dark times, we learn the most about ourselves. If you do anything, start writing about who you are now, how you feel about it, and what you are doing in that moment to change it. Keep it in a safe place, and read it a year later. It may not be apparent now, but that document will be a priceless commodity in understanding the mindset within failure, and the a rear view of what you did about it. Good luck brother, keep that hope and lift hard.