It All Revolves Around You

You know what's scary?

It's fighting something that you know you should be able to fight, but are unable to overcome it.
It's all those mornings when you wake up with a lump on your chest.
It's knowing what's going wrong, but despite your efforts, it's all you can think about.
It's coming so close to the solution and then, be back to where you started.
It's the fear of having your voice unheard, even though you are screaming at the top of your voice.
It's the blame and guilt you put on yourself, and people who come off on it.

And you know what's common in all this? It's all in your head.

And the sad part is, even when you know it's in your head, you fall prey to it. Sharing helps but telling people the same thing over and over again alienates them.
Heck, if someone else did the same thing to you, I'm sure you will be alienated too.

Does it ever get easier? Do you ever just stop, look back at your life and see that this is where everything has to change? The setbacks, the continuous voice in your head, the torture that you put yourself through. We've seen people say
'this was the day I really woke up'

No matter what anyone says, I don't feel like it happens overnight. It just doesn't. You would have been building towards it for so long, you just gave up resisting that day maybe.

Sigh. But yeah, the wait is arduous, and no matter what you do, it's a part of you. Weeks together might be tough.

I have always felt a difference when I go out, rather than staying at home. Meeting new people face to face, rather than on call or text. Sure, that is difficult to push yourself to talk to anyone when all you feel like is staying at home. And at first, it won't feel like it's helping any. But it is. It will slowly change your attitude bit by bit.

Seeking therapy is always another option. Even online options and websites like 7Cups are fine, I believe, when you need people to talk to but you just can't drag yourself out of the bed. I've even talked to other people and listened to their issues and problems so that I could see it's not me alone struggling. If I could impact even one single person, help lighten their load, I would feel much better, just like I hope this post would help people.

Do not give up. I mean it. Whatever brought you pain, whatever triggers your self-doubt, whatever makes you feel not so safe, you are bigger than it.