It's yourself that lost the sense of security/丢掉安全感的正是你自己 |月旦评

My daughter is three years old.She wants someone  accompany her to everthing she does,building blocks, role playing,and even watching TV.These performances have led to my thinking about the sense of security.Parents are the first teachers of children.Whether the lack of her security sense is the performance of the lack of her parents’ security sense?

My wife is on a business trip recently.Just now, she called me and said she don't want to have a video with our daughter at night because it will make daughter sed of her mother is not at home.'Don't let lookup, are you going to do your hair?(The classical quotations of the hot event about a star’s marriage event recently)'i said casually..This joke mapped out the lack of security sense of marriage in my subconscious mind.

What can we do to find the sense of security?

Someone say that money brings security,someone say that marriage brings security.It seems that everone's life goals are to find something that can make themselves feel safe, but never find it.

Is it true that money and marriage really bring security?Sometimes, the more eager to get it, the less possibility to meet it.When the insecurity is full of your heart, no matter how much you pay, you can't bring you real security. In contrast,the more you pay, the more insecurity you are. Just like the sand in your hands,the more tight grip the faster it flow.

In fact,when we start to find the sense of security, there's no sense of security already.In the words of quantum mechanics, security and insecurity are in a state of mutual entanglement.The sense of security can not be found, so let we accept the state of insecurity and eliminate the fear of insecurity. Then we will see the beautiful scenery on the journey of life. 

        女儿三岁多了，她做任何事情都要家人陪她一起，摆积木，角色扮演，甚至看电视。这些表现引发了我对安全感的思考，父母是孩子的第一任老师，她安全感的缺失是否是父母缺乏安全感的倒影？

        最近老婆在出差，下午打电话说晚上不和女儿视频了，不然女儿想起妈妈不在家会难过的，我顺口说了一句“你不让查岗，是要去做头发（最近闹的沸沸扬扬的某明星婚姻事件中的经典语录）”么？这句玩笑话映射出了我潜意识中对婚姻安全感的缺失。

        要怎么样才能找到安全感？

        有人认为金钱能带来安全感，有人认为婚姻能带来安全感，好像所有人的生活目标都是寻找那个能让自己感到安全的东西，可总也找不到。

        金钱和婚姻真的可以带来安全感吗？人越是希望得到那个能给自己带来安全感的东西，这样东西就会变得越不安全。当不安全感充斥着你的内心，无论你付出多少，都不能为你带来真正的安全，反而付出的越多，越不安全。就像手握沙子，你越是使劲攥紧沙子，沙子反而会越快流走。

        其实，当我们开始寻求安全感时，就已经没有了安全感，用量子力学的话说，安全与不安全处于相互纠缠状态。所以，安全感本就不能找寻，让自己接受不安全的状态，从根本消除对不安全的恐惧，才会看到人生旅途中荆棘丛之外美丽的风景。