[HELP] COMMUNICATION BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE.
Actually I don't like to expose my private life online. But this time I really hope that I can get some good advices.
I've been married for 6 years. I'm having some problems with my wife. I'm someone who like to keep my things, clothes and almost everything tidy and neat. But my wife isn't.
During our early marriage, I'll do all the cleaning and arranging myself. But now we got kids. Since after we failed our bussiness we have a lots of debts to be cleared.
She worked as a freelance and I've my full time job with very long working hours from 10am to 9 pm. I always wish my wife can help me to tidy something like room, table, clothes or what ever. But she'll always have a lots of excuses like wait when she finished her works on hand, next week, or I'll do them later.
I've been waiting(suffer) for years. I tried to make her understand what I think about cleanliness, what environment I want to live in. We even quarrel about these frequently. But still no action she take.
I'll feel like I wanted to quite from this life. I'm wondering how long or what I'll do after I can't stand anymore.
I'm here looking for advices, suggestions and discussions. Thanks you for helps.
I was in a very similar position for a 3+ year relationship. My need to have everything put in its proper place and kept neat and tidy was a stark contrast to the tornado of clutter that was my Ex-GF. I say "EX" so you know how that situation turned out for me. There were many, many other underlined issues that ended that relationship - but I always viewed her mess as 'disrespectful' to me. After the fact & when the dust settled on our breakup - I came to the realization that everyone is who they are - and these living patterns are part of that identity. She was incapable of living life the way I needed to live, the same as I was incapable of living life the way she lived.
In my opinion - the answer here lies somewhere between understanding, communication, and compromise. I see that you've expressed that you've tried to communicate your concerns to no avail. If you feel like your wife is unreceptive to your needs - then your answer is to find compromise where ever you can. Attempt to readdress the conversation with her - but give a little ground by saying "I realize you didn't (fill in the blank) and I'm going to adjust my mindset as best I can and ignore that - however if possible I'd really like you to do (fill in the blank). How can I help you do this?" Also - try calling yourself out in front of her - asking what you've done or are currently doing that is adding to her stress.. and what you can do to help alleviate that pressure. (which may disarm any angst that is present)
I've found in relationships, and in life - taking a step back to see how I'm reacting to the situation instead of addressing what I feel is the cause of the problem, helps my understanding of the issue. Either you & your wife are still in a position after 6 years of marriage to find this common ground & communicate - or you're not. Only you & she would know that for sure.
I hope you find the peace you're seeking. Please note in my personal experience - Steemit is a great community to offer advice and direction in times of crisis. Best wishes!