To Change Your Life is the Greatest Adventure...

woman-onthe-wing (67)in #life • 8 years ago

It's a wonderful thing to wake up to a sunny day and say “Let's go to the beach!” Another wonderful thing is knowing you'll likely have the beach all to yourself, as is often the case on the west coast of Ireland.

It wasn't birth or chance or luck that I ended up in a place I can love - remote, quiet, beautiful. It was choice. It was realising the fact that although we can't control everything in our lives, we can control some of it.

At 19 I found living in an English city exhilarating. By 25 it had become exhausting. I found myself slipping into daydreams more and more as the months and years went by, yearning for a simpler life, a slower pace, a chance for a breather. I spent more time in dreamland than in the here and now, running on autopilot, avoiding the reality of a day-to-day existence that I could barely tolerate; dreaming because it was the only way I could get through the day.

I didn't care about most of the things other people seemed to base their whole lives around - career, a lovely house, a car, annual holidays, new jeans, a lawnmower. I couldn't have cared less about a pat on the head from an employer, or what the neighbours thought of my garden. I longed for the untamed - for trees, plants, crashing waves, wild storms, animals that weren't pets, people that weren't always in such a hurry. I wanted to gallop in lush fields that didn't bare signs saying 'private land, no trespassing'. I wanted a life I could live, not just endure.

Each day in the city had become a matter of survival. I felt like I was trapped and couldn't escape, and it was all-consuming. At the end of the working day, despite being able to return to the company of my wonderfully calm (and calming) husband, my home was not my sanctuary. I'd been following the herd for so long, listening to everyone saying “This way. This is the way,” never considering the fact that I could actually have the alternatives I constantly fantasised about. But one day, after a near-breakdown, it all suddenly became crystal clear – our lives are largely the result of choices we make - this or that, yes or no, every day. And I could re-shape it by making different choices. The changes could be as drastic as I wanted, all I needed was courage. As perceived restrictions started to melt away I was filled with joy. In my heart I knew what I had to do.

Thankfully my husband is a similar soul with similar dreams, and so we decided to take our chances on the wild west coast of Ireland, regardless of never having been there before. Within 2 months I had quit my jobs, sold some but mostly given away all our furniture, packed up only essential and precious posessions (including the cat), and bid farewell to the city and to England. All the stuff we'd accumulated over the years... I watched it being carried away out the front door by family and friends, and wasn't remotely upset or regretful. It was the single most liberating feeling of my life. To unburden myself of 'stuff', with that wonderful incomparable thrill of becoming ever-lighter, no longer hindered by the weight and worry of excess clutter.

In what seemed like no time at all I was living the dream - 52 miles to the nearest city and 5 minutes walk to the sea. I couldn't believe it was actually real! When I awoke on a morning I no longer looked out upon a dreary street, but instead the open Atlantic ocean and a rugged landscape. No longer sounds of traffic and people bustling about, but waves on the wind, donkeys braying, birds chattering. It was bliss.

I know there's a lot of us feeling like we're living under a dark cloud. Feeling like if something doesn't change soon we'll go mad. So why don't we change something? Why do we feel our choices are limited, that we can't have the life we want and so are doomed to be miserable?

Why do we deny ourselves the option of fulfilling our dreams, of being who we really are?

I think often the answer is fear. Fear of tomorrow. Fear of the reactions of other people. Fear that change will somehow bring about hardship or pain. Fear that things won't work out, that we'll fail, that we'll end up full of regret. We find it overwhelming to work out the details and practicalities entailed. We're too tired to think about it right now. Wouldn't know where to start. We get used to a certain routine, a certain rhythm. We get comfortable. We convince ourselves there's no alternative, no way out. We rely on the exact amount on our pay cheque. The hours suit us. This reason, that reason. Some of them valid, many of them not. We're great at putting up with things and having a good moan, and yet are rubbish at actions for improvements.

With a little creative thinking there's usually a way to trade misery for contentment. We need to stop listening so intently to the opinions of our families, friends, colleagues, media, and instead embrace our own ideals for our own lives. Remind ourselves of the fact our peers can be envious of courage, and would rather see you as a miserable ally than happy when they're not!

Often our problem is over-thinking to the point of inaction.

My attitude now is if you hate it, change it. What's the worst that could happen?

It might just be the greatest adventure of your entire life.

Thanks for taking the time to read my 'from-misery-to-happiness' story! If you have changed your life in a dramatic way I'd love to hear about it. Please comment so I can check out your posts!