So I think I'm done smoking.

in #life10 months ago (edited)

I've been doing it since I was 18.
I'm 40 now.

It's been a thorn in my side that I couldn't let go of for the longest time. Each time I tried, I'd bargain with myself and my significant other and we'd both just fall right back into it. It was the thing I turned to to calm me down when I was stressed, as a lot of people do. Unfortunately, I think the time has come for me to take control. More than anything, it put the biggest dent in my wallet.

If I'm going to take this seriously, I can't allow myself to cave even once, or I'll find myself falling down the hole again.

How's my health, you ask? Well....great! I mean, I'm not in the best physical shape, but that's my own lazy-ass fault. But as far as I can tell (without input from a doctor), I'm in wonderful shape. I mean, I get easily winded sometimes, but that's from a lack of activity, not smoking. But the money... good GAWD. Who the hell has the money to spend upwards of $700-800 a month??? That's like a 2nd mortgage!!

Wait....
What did you think I was talking about?

Cigarettes??

LOL No no no no...... I quit smoking cigarettes 5 years ago, and I was way younger when I started those.

This shit is WAY harder to quit...by lightyears. Because I actually LIKE it, and I'd rather not quit. Unfortunately, I can't afford it. I've battled with it for so long because of that. In the meantime, shit around me was falling apart. I tried so hard to juggle it with the rest of life, but I never wanted to really face how much room it was taking up, monetarily and otherwise. Unrelated decisions were being made with it in mind. Sometimes important ones.

Now, after 22 years. I'm mad.
No wait, I'm not just mad. I'm fucking pissed off. Especially about the past 10 years. We were buying it every other day - literally. And at $40-50 a pop.... Jesus Christ. I could've nearly paid for my fucking house by now.

So I'm done. The toll it's taken on all the different facets of my life is over. Because -I- fucking said so.


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Hmm interesting I recently started again as a sleep aid. I find it quite helpful in that regard. Also been a long time Winston how are ya man?

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