Love: A Storytelling Challenge and Why I Used to Tell My Ex I Need Her .
Go below to find the para with the title "THE GAME" for the challenge. This is my story.
Why I used to tell her I need her.
Love takes it's toll on everybody. I mean just ask yourself hasn't it? It is one of the most serenely high and royally pathetic emotion.
Okay, so a thing I used to do a lot is I used to tell my ex that I need her. When we had falling off I used to overthink all the time about how things could end up in me losing her and gave so little heed to my dignity and self image which just kept on rotting with every decision I took and every word I said; to friends to family mostly to myself. Never say that to someone I would love to say that but I won't. Because on it's own it can be a beautiful feeling. But what ruins it for the most part is the hypocritical mind game that we constantly play upon each other when in a relationship. How we torture one another and still want to hold hands and kiss the other. It is a wave a tide of emotions that floods through at times but accounting other times we feel tortured by miscommunication and manipulative communication. We tend to not say what we want to. We feel that our better halves will magically understand us someway and we like to think of that and define that as love.
Okay, I'm drifting. I should stay with the question why I used to tell her I needed her although I feel that I don't need her right now. But just think about what you've been reading doesn't it make you wonder what love is?
Well I've heard many people's opinion about it and still think I don't really hold the philosophical nourishment up there to be actually be able to declare that I know what love is. But I'm just a small man. What can a small man do other than just feel.
YES! Feel......It's really easy to feel and sometimes can also feel like the weight of the world on you just cause you feel. Do you remember how he/she smelt like the first time you discovered that odor, that scent whenever you were around him/her. I know right. Remember how it felt. For me I could just define that particular part as " falling in love ".
So I told her I needed her every time she felt that this has to come to an end. Maybe I'm hard to be with or hard to live with but she knew I loved her and that was just the one reason she couldn't let go. Couldn't let go to the extent that every equation of our relationship changed. From that moment where you're friends to that of a skinny love-ish thing going on between the two. God I wish I could feel those things again. YES? Feel ?....Yes, feeling is what I lost in a process to feel something different. That's life. You go through phases you feel love, you feel lucky, you feel disbanded, sometimes isolated, sometimes the happiness and warmth of the people around you and sometimes nothing.
Maybe I used to tell her I needed her cause I really did need her and because I will always need her. Always as in not all the time but there will be a part of me from time to time craving her and needing her. You must know by need I mean her emotional and sexual presence is necessary to me. I've been happy and I've been depressed and I've been lonely and I've been whole. And i'll tell you this to me depression and sorrow is royal. You can't handle it but have to until a point you feel like breaking down and losing yourself and still find yourself taking it cause you have to get by you have to live. Boy, I've been to a borderline point with life so much that I can't tell you enough how much at the edge I want to live and not die.
Drugs has been a really big part of me and finding myself after I lost her. But this is for sure this is just a juvenile way trying to avoid the issue that life may go on without that person; the invariable truth you so want to ignore. But, in this mess we need to see some signs before we can actually begin to truly admit your flaws and truly admit who and what you truly are. Then on that you start to build a new you. And then it isn't far when you feel almost limitless.
But I remember I was in a place that I thought I needed her. The truth maybe even I will never know. It's always about the situation you are in and nothing, no feeling, no word is definite or absolute.
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THE GAME!!
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