I'm Addicted To Drugs

Today is day three of my final "Step-Down" from the prescription drug Ativan.  I have been taking Ativan for 15 years for a life-long relationship I have had with anxiety.  At my maximum dose I was taking 6 mg per day.  I am currently taking .5 mg, and I am hoping to be able to tolerate going from here to being completely off the medication over the next month.

Once I started taking Ativan it was easier to "Take the Pill" then it was to deal with the anxiety.  Like everyone, I was busy raising my kids, building my career, balancing my hobbies, I put off figuring out my plan to get off Ativan.  

Ativan is a drug that one builds a tolerance to so to maintain the same effect the dose has to go up.  By last year, I was taking the maximum dose with little impact on my anxiety.  At some point I realized I was taking Ativan to avoid the pain of withdrawal instead of to manage my anxiety.  I was at the maximum dose of 6 mg per day, with nowhere to go.    

 

Tolerance

A common long-term effect of Ativan use is the development of a tolerance to the drug. Tolerance to Ativan is the body's response to the persistent physical presence of the drug. As the drug becomes a common component of the user's "everyday" body chemistry, that individual's system begins to adjust to its presence and chemical influence.This adjustment serves to lowers the perceived efficacy of the drug, causing the person to need higher doses of the drug to achieve the same high on Ativan as before. Eventually, the user becomes dependent on the drug--further advancing them down a path towards addiction. http://drugabuse.com/library/the-effects-of-ativan-use

Interestingly, I have never abused my prescription or taken more than the prescribed amount.  This gave me the illusion of not being addicted.  All I had to do to see my addiction was to attempt to try to stop taking the medication.  When I read the signs of addiction, the only one I am guilty of is doctor shopping.  I absolutely had to seek out a doctor willing to work with me on weaning off the drug.  My entire process has been supervised by a physician.  

 

Signs of Addiction to Ativan

Whereas the arrival of physiologic dependence can somewhat be gauged by the onset of the withdrawal syndrome that will occur when stopping the drug, Ativan addiction is sometimes reflected in a change in behavior of the person abusing the drug.Someone addicted to Ativan may:

Often take the substance in ways other than prescribed by increasing the dosage or frequency of administration.  

1. Obtain the medication through fraudulent or illegal means such as receiving multiple prescriptions, forging prescriptions, or buying/trading Ativan with others.
2. Neglect other factors in life like relationships, career commitments, or education.
3. Experience legal repercussions from buying, selling, or possessing the substance illegally.
4. Find themselves in financial distress due to spending beyond their means to obtain more Ativan.

The step-down in my dose has been difficult at times and I feet like this slow taper down process means living in a constant state of slight withdrawal.   People will sometimes comment that my voice or hands are shaky, before I even notice it myself.  I have added breathing exercises, physical exercises, and a nightly cannibals pill to my life to help with tension and insomnia.  Fortunately, my schedule is flexible right now and I am able to schedule my work around how I am feeling.

On each step-down I have taken, days 3-5 have been the most difficult, so I am writing this to remind myself the light at the end of the tunnel is near.  I am almost done!  Yes, today I feel dysfunctional and grumpy.  Soon I will be completely off of Ativan, and I will be able to see what my baseline level of anxiety is and come up with a plan to manage it.

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