To My Daddy

 I know it is soon to be Mother's Day, but something has been on my mind. I wrote this,,,,,hope you are touched Sunday's are usually a day to spend lunch at my parent’s house. So, as usual dinner was great and it was time to relax. Out on the back porch and into the swing to sit and let food settle, the breeze was cool, and the company was wonderful. My mom and dad, and my husband and I sat talking. Every subject seemed to come from out of nowhere: subjects of relatives, food, politics, even religion came into the conversation. I sat listening to my daddy talk. He gets fired up from time to time with Medicare, insurance, the president, and oh yes,, these young folks today. As I sat listening to him, I looked at him. I mean I really looked at him. White hairs outlined his tanned face. Lines were in his face; tiredness was in his eyes. As he spoke his voice seemed to fade as I heard myself inside my head say, when did he get old? When did these wrinkles appear on my daddy’s face? Why did I not see how tired he has become before this very moment in time? In an instance I realized my daddy is an old man. Oh my God this means I am old too. Yes, you silly woman, you are forty-five, so he has to be older too. Funny, I never saw my daddy get old. He has always been so full of energy, so eager to jump up and do. He has always been bigger than life, the one person who knew everything, could do anything. Now as I sit here looking at him, I see a small man, aged and struggling for the correct words, and a voice loud enough to be heard. That strong overpowering voice is almost a whisper as he gives his opinions of how the world has changed and not all for the better. His face is a map of the years he has spent here on this earth. Working hard everyday, raising children and grandchildren, putting the food on the table, keeping his mind sharp so as to keep up with this ever-changing world. My daddy is an old man now. All the times he was there for me seem so much more appreciated all of a sudden. I sit and look at him and I see a handsome man, a smart man, a good Christian man, and I am proud. I can feel my heart swell and my heart skip a beat as I realize that while I was busy living my own life, my daddy was growing older and he has lived his life for me and my family, I had missed out on so many tiny pieces of his life. Life plays tricks on us, one day our fathers are young men, then in a quick glance away, they turn into old men, and their strengths are in their wisdom instead of their hands. I see a man now that truly needs me, the tables are turning and he will need me more and more as the years come upon us. How could I have possibly missed this change in my own daddy? When did he turn old? My daddy is supposed to always be able to run to me, to pick me up when I fall, to know all the answers to all my questions. How long did I look away, how long did I assume he would always be there? I only went in the other direction long enough to find myself, to reach for my own dreams, to live my own life. Time did not stand still. Somewhere along the way, in the blink of an eye my daddy changed and I missed it. Those hands that were once smooth and strong, ate now full of cuts and calluses, they look weak and sore. Those hands that once reached out to everyone else to help him now need someone to hold onto them. Those hands need rest. Those eyes need rest. How do I tell this wonderful man that he has done enough in this lifetime? How do I say thank you enough? How loud do I shout you are my hero? I want to scream and cry, no daddy, don’t get any older; I have missed too much while I was away living my own life. Let me catch up with you, wait for me to get older too. Don’t grow any wearier, hold on to the joys of this life and wait. We can grow old together. Please, no more wrinkles for you, no more tiredness in your voice, no more worrying who will take care of me. Wait right there for me to run to you and make your life easier, happier, let me hold your hand, and do for you, let me catch you if you seem to feel a stumble in your step. Don’t grow any older daddy; I need that something that only you have in this entire world. Wait for me. But, I know time will not stand still for me or for you. I know somehow from this day forward, life will be different. My daddy watched me grow up and move away. He stood silently and watched me make all my choices good and bad, he ran to me when I called, he dried my tears, cheered my victories and the whole time he was growing older and I missed it.