Pain diary, little things

No break yet, no relief. The other day my dad asked if i could help him bring a generator to my grandmas and aunts house because they lost power and its very heavy. He doesn't understand my pain. He always treats me like im normal. I just look like such a loser to those who dont understand or believe my pain. So he asked me on a really bad pain day. Wether i help or not i have to suffer more. If i help, i have to ride an unbearable 1hr drive, lift a heavy object and talk to family i havent seen in a year. Discomfort on top of pain on top of pain. I ended up telling him no and then felt all the guilt. Also depressed me for not being able to function. Just really fucked my whole day. All because of a simple question " can you help me bring the generator to your grandmas". Little shit people just dont get.

Now today i wake up to the same level 1000 pain scale, puke up my dinner from the night before because of my digestion. No relief. Well i dont watch my kid when im alone seeing how i cant because of my health ( which saddens me a ton) so my mother and mother inlaw swap days when my wife works. Her family doesnt understand me, probably look down on me as well. My sons at my wifes moms today and my wife forgot to bring his food. They wanted to know if they could come get it or me bring it to them. Oh boy another seemingly small thing that rattles my world. Just fucking sucks. Of course i dont want to see anyone and sure as hell cant drive. I call my dad see if he can do it. He says yes and is on the way. Meanwhile my father inlaw just went to the store and bought some. Had to tell my dad when he was almost here nevermind. Again i look like a piece of shit and really its just this fucking pain. I am not concerned with others negative opinions of me it still sucks tho gettimg put into these situations when im just stuck in a black room crying and dying. Then im mad at my wife for putting me in the situation when she knows how bad i am. Now i feel like shit over all these little things that are so easy for any regular healthy person. Just had to get it off my chest. Little things killing me ontop of my mystery pain.