Personal blog entry #3

(Taken from Pinterest)

I’m not supposed to be here.

There was one time in 1997 when my father took my mother along for a ride in a tricycle he borrowed from a friend. I was a few months in my mother’s womb already. Little did he know that the brakes of the vehicle were defunct and not in good working condition. When my father needed to stop the tricycle in its tracks because a truck was passing nearby, he couldn’t, and he had no choice but to maneuver it away from innocent bystanders who could’ve gotten hurt. My father couldn't keep it up though, and a few moments later the tricycle crashed. My father obtained minor injuries, but it was my mother who was fatally wounded. An ambulance immediately responded and drove my parents to the nearest hospital. Upon arriving, none of the medical staff seemed to have a sense of urgency even though my mother was badly injured and that she could lose the child she was bearing, which was me. There was one point where my mother couldn’t take it anymore, for it seemed that the medical staff didn’t give her any medical attention because they thought she didn’t have any cash at the moment due to the unexpected nature of the accident. She told them that she had enough money at hand, and exclaimed that if money was all they needed for them to start giving her medical attention, she wouldn’t hesitate to throw it their way. Out of shame and a sense of urgency due to my mother’s immediate needs, they immediately operated on her, and with God’s mercy, she was able to get out alive, still carrying me in her womb. Thanks to God, my mother was able to give birth to me on August 4, 1998. I was a caesarian baby, and to this day, whenever the stitches show themselves to me every time my mother raises up part of her t-shirt to give herself a belly rub, it tugs at my heartstrings to see the scars that remind her of when I was born.

I’m not supposed to be here.

The highest honor I’ve received at school in any grade level I’ve been through is 2nd honor, meaning that being a salutatorian during Grade 1 is the highest I’ve ever been ranked as a student. However, it was all downhill from there. I was the 4th honor in Grade 2, the 6th honor during Grade 3, and the 8th honor during Grade 4. When Grade 5 came along, my name was nowhere to be seen in the top 10, let alone the upper half of the class. I dropped all the way down to the bottom of the list. And why wouldn’t it? I was a kid with ADHD who desperately tried to fit in with the same people who were bullying him. I was a kid who became addicted to computer games and did not care about his education at all. This continued until Grade 6, with the peak of my downfall occurring when I was caught stealing money from my classmate who never paid back all the money he owed and took from me. Even when the time came that I had to transfer to a different campus for high school, I wasn’t able to be academically excellent during the first three years of high school. It was only in 4th Year high school that I was able to realize my potential and rise up from mediocrity and being an underachiever, all the way to becoming 10th Honor Student of the Special Science Curriculum during our graduation ceremonies.

I’m not supposed to be here.

The same achievement of being 10th Honor I mentioned earlier was supposed to be my stepping stone towards a DOST scholarship that would’ve definitely taken a lot of financial burden off of my parents’ shoulders, but sadly it didn’t end that way. My mother failed to know of the requirements, and before we were even able to get on the same page after accusing one another of not doing their job of getting updates on the matter, it was already the deadline. Just like that, my 10th Honor finish in high school was gone with the wind, with me and my family never even getting the chance to reap its benefits. As of now, we are impoverished and crippled with numerous debts coming from both my mother’s and my father’s side of the family. We currently live in the house where I grew up as a child, barely getting by.

I’m not supposed to be here.

I’m not supposed to be this literate in English. I’m not supposed to be typing right now on a laptop that costs four times my weekly allowance. I’m not supposed to live a life free of vices. I’m not supposed to have a best friend who understands me in almost every aspect of my life. I’m not supposed to be studying in The University of The Philippines Los Baňos, which is considered one of the most prestigious universities in the country. I’m not supposed to be so fortunate. I’m not supposed to be living this life. I’m not supposed to be here, sharing these stories with you.

I’m not supposed to be here. The harsh reality of this world would definitely dismantle me every chance it gets. But that is where my only real hope in life comes in. God is mightier than anything this harsh world could ever conjure. Even if I wasn’t always as faithful to Him, I was fortunate enough to always receive the mercy of God. Throughout my entire life, God was merciful enough to let me live another day, to give me another chance to learn from my mistakes, and to bless me with so many things that I am not even worthy of. If it weren’t for Him, I wouldn’t be here today.

I’m not supposed to be here. But with the mercy of God, I still am. And I will forever be thankful to Him for it.

Thanks for reading! More to come.

Take care,
Virtual Self