Tears that tear down the walls (a reminiscent writing)

7 March 2015

Nowadays, social media is peppered with catchy-phrased posts that  manipulate us into wanting to click and read, watch, comment, etc.  I  roll my eyes at the pre-fab wording formulas designed to push our  buttons or pluck our heart strings.  All in an effort to get us to  "click".  Yet all the while my gut is turning at the baseness of it all,  I am still a victim to those ploys.  Unfortunately it is so prevalent  that I've formed a habitual "automatic reject" habit to any post that  seems the least bit intriguing.  My initial response has been programed  to distrust, doubt, ignore.  I don't even consider clicking on something  until second, or even third glance. 
 

Because of this I often find myself somewhat interested in a post, but  taking a significant amount of time (like 120 whole seconds) debating  whether the living time I hand over to the almighty "click" will be  worth it.  Will this post really increase the good in my life, or will  it (like countless others) just fade into the lost time collection of  meaningless, gratifying-for-only-a-miniscule-instant moments, or even  worse but just as fleeting and forgettable ungratifying moments?
 

When I do finally decide to click on a say, a video like this one I watched the other day,  I often find myself in tears at the end.  The first 25 seconds of this  particular video I was still rolling my eyes and regretting my choice,  but then I was sucked in.  When it ended, and I sat there in tears  feeling soft and mushy inside something occurred to me.
 

In Karla McLaren's book, The Language of Emotions, she explains  that sadness's purpose it to help us let go.  Since reading her book and  feeling very strongly about the Truth in it, I have been trying to apply  her knowledge and ask myself the questions every time an emotion  arises.  The questions for sadness are: What must be released? and What must be rejuvenated?
 

So I sat there, crying, feeling warm and mushy, and wondering...what  must be let go?  Why do videos like this touch me so deeply and make me  cry?  Where is all this powerful emotion stored in my normal everyday  life?  And here's where it occurred to me - what I need to let go of...is the WALLS;  and what needs to be rejuvenated is my faith in the goodness and strength of myself and humanity.
 

There is so much bad thrown at us all the time.  We wake up and  immediately are bombarded, from our own self doubts and the arguments or  stress at home, to driving, to work, to facebook and the news.  Our  psyches are building walls every waking moment in the ancient, primal  fight-or-flight response that has kept our species alive through the  millennia.   Only, it's starting to backfire.
 

This is a time when connection is becoming more difficult.  Social media  allows superficial connection, but the real, raw, powerful and  life-changing vulnerability connections are being lost behind all of our  walls.  I know I can truly only speak for myself, but I would dare say I  am not alone in being drawn to those posts that will make me cry.  Show  me some love, show me some connection, show me some vulnerability!  For  I am desperate.  I want to see the raw, real, heart-open bravery of a  human in all their glory.  I think also that I am not alone in feeling  some ironic sense of relief when I cry at the end of a video that  touches me.  Those tears are a signal that I need to let go of the  walls, I need to restore my faith.  Because it's not that my inner  strength and sense of compassion is lacking, it's just that they have  been attacked and ignored too often and too deeply, and as I realize  now  --- way.  too.  freaking.   long.  
 

Of course we shouldn't trust everyone and always, but oh what a  wonderful, energizing relief it would be to trust myself so deeply that I  wouldn't feel need such thick, hard walls throughout all of my  moments.  This is my new goal.  Tear down the walls, tears, tear down  the walls.