WHAT IS ALL THIS

I had several series of thoughts today, I was inspired by a lot of things and depressed by a lot too. I had many start-up ideas in my mind but couldn't mould any into a post.
It's night time and I'm writing none of the thoughts I thought earlier or about my experiences. My head is just whirling, round and round; round about life, home, my girl, love, starting up, my drugs, the future, my girl, her dreams, her hopes, expectations, family.

Is it wrong for me to want something different from what I see? Am i strange for wanting to step out a bit and observe? Am I wrong to wanting to dare? Is it wrong that I dream and want my dream? Is it strange that I do not know what I want?
I wish my house was close to an ocean with plenty of rocks by the banks that I could sit on, pick smooth pebbles from the banks and throw some back into the sea. And the ocean would have roaring waves. My new earpiece had fallen and one ear broke open so I could not listen to music, I took a bus to Mile 1, spoke to some people but my brain couldn't make out shit from the sense they were saying. So I walked away, rode the bus back to oil Mill, walked by the market for a while bought an ugly wristwatch and ugly boxers because I couldn't make up my mind.

Then I walked back home.....