Feeling Your Way Through Life

“Lit up, tuned in, tapped in, turned on” I love the ring to that. When I first heard it I could feel my inner being say “yes, that's how I want to feel” –Alive.

There were times in my life when I felt dragged down by the expectations of who I “should” be, what I “should” be doing and where I “should” be by now. The older I got the heavier it got.

I always had passion, drive and willingness to learn. There was a time I believed there was a way I could manipulate my life in a way that would create happiness. It would look similar to what everyone else was doing, focus on my social and financial status and hopefully become “successful”, which apparently, equalled “happy”.

It made sense for me to continue to climb the ladder in my industry at the time and find success there. I worked in that industry for 13 years. I was good at it, I worked hard for it and after all, it’s not like there were many other options. I didn’t get a University degree and I lived in a small town. That plan would have made sense and I believe that the people knew me could foresee that in my future.

But the rebel that I am, I quit. I had a good variety of excuses. But the truth be told, it just didn’t feel right to me. I wanted something different. I just had no idea what that was. Now, hearing that from me at the time, I would have had some eyes roll and people would absolutely think I was crazy so I had a whole other slew of excuses as to why I quit for the time being. “You don’t just quit your job because it doesn’t feel right”, yup, I did.

I didn’t want people to know I didn’t have my shit together. I think it’s one of those unspoken rules of society, “Always pretend you have your shit together”. I didn’t. I was confused and I had no idea what I was going to do.

I could hear my clock ticking faster and faster. I felt the pressure. Even though my decision to quit and the feeling I had, that there was more out there for me felt right. I was feeling guilty and had a lot self-doubt. The feeling that I was making a mistake was always with me. I had to hurry up and find that thing I was after. What and where could it be?

Long story short, 5 years later, my expectations that of “that thing” I was looking for didn’t even show up for 5 YEARS! And it turned out, it wasn’t a one particular “thing/job/business” it was finding out how I wanted to feel and doing things that made me feel that way.

During those 5 years, I tried many things, including creating a business. It’s now more like a selective process. “Yes, to that”, “no to this”, “ahh yes, I like that feeling”. I’m mastering the fine-tuning of my life to align with me and how I want to feel.

I realize now, throughout the process, I stopped following the feeling. I put my attention on the pressure I was experiencing, to just find it already. I wasn’t allowing my inner being to guide the way, I was letting my fear lead.

I eventually got back in touch with that brave decision I had made 5 years ago to quit my job. That liberating feeling of being in control. That there is something more for me and even though I didn’t know what that was, I could get in tune with how it would make me feel and I surrendered the fear. I stayed in that state. Things and opportunities began to flow in the direction of my desired feeling.

The thing is, the experience was needed for me to get to where I am today. I now know better, I just have to feel my way there, like I did the day I quit my job.

There’s no right and wrong, there’s only choosing what feels good.

“Tuned in, Tapped in, Turned on” –Abraham Hicks

#desiremap #life #feeling #midset #journey #freedom