There are certain conversations you need to have, and certain conversations you need to avoid. I often call these the “hard” conversations, because they’re challenging to navigate.

But sometimes it’s hard to know whether it’s appropriate to bring up a conversation you want to have. In this article, we’re going to look at some questions you should ask yourself before going into a conversation. It might seem obvious, but it’s easy to forget that you should be thinking about whether the conversation is worth it before you even start it.

QUESTION: Is This The Right Conversation?

The first question you need to ask yourself is: Is this conversation really important? Sometimes we don’t realize the importance of a conversation until we’ve had a bad experience with someone else.

For example, if you’re talking to your friend about a job offer from a different company, you might not feel that your friend’s opinion really matters. But the next day you realize how important that conversation was. Or maybe you have a friend who you know is having trouble finding a job, so you tell her about a new opportunity you heard about, and she feels excited about it. A month later she calls to let you know that the company has turned her down, and that she has a new job.

There’s no question that hearing your friend’s perspective is important, so make sure you’re bringing up the conversation in the right way. If you can determine the importance of the conversation in the moment, you’ll know when to bring it up.

QUESTION: Does This Conversation Have To Happen?

There are times when a conversation is unavoidable. Perhaps you’ve gotten into a situation where you really needed to ask for something, but you didn’t have time to prepare for the conversation. Or maybe you’ve been feeling frustrated with an employee and think it’s the right time to have a talk.

These are all common situations, and they’re both uncomfortable and necessary. But how you approach these conversations will play a huge role in how you feel about them.

Before you bring up a difficult conversation, you need to consider two things.

Is it the right time? This doesn’t mean that you should wait until there’s a serious issue. Sometimes, it’s helpful to talk to someone about a specific issue, whether it’s to discuss your progress or to figure out if you need to make changes.

On the other hand, this doesn’t mean that you can talk to them about everything you want. You may not always get a second chance to have a conversation, and there may come a time where you need to ask for something directly.

What does this mean for me?

Sometimes, it’s better to ask someone what they need from you instead of asking for what you need.