I Just Really Want To...!(So I did?)(sometimes)(Not Really)(IDK)
I Just Want To Dance With Nobody But You!
I will take you out of steemit
So I've been really wanting to write a blog I have an Idea for one and I've been working on it but I just keep sitting on my hands and not going through and pulling it all together. I feel like it's probably because I know it'll take quite a bit of effort to put it together nicely and I'm also just really bad at procrastinating.
That's kinda why I am writing this one in place of it at the moment. I'm kind of using it to vent in a way that feels appropriate. I get to write something and I also get to vent! IT's a win-win!
Not completely, but hey who's keeping count? >.> (me)
I don't like that I do this to myself but I do and it's really frustrating. I have points where I'll be really efficient and get the things done that I want to or need to and then I have my other points that I don't and then things pile up and it seems to perpetuate the procrastination side of things.
It's a vicious cycle and unfortunately, I let it get the best of me. Which sucks because I want the best of me. Why do I keep choosing to give it to something that doesn't feel like myself?
There are lots of factors that cause me to do this over and over to myself. I still haven't found the root, or maybe I have I just don't want to see it as it being that. I tend to get depressed a lot, I get social anxiety sometimes too but thankfully my anxiety is not as bad as it was before. Those things, in turn, cause me to be unmotivated and stressed. Which in turn causes me to procrastinate more. Another cycle!
So things I have done to improve upon these consistencies is to replace them with other consistencies. Instead of letting myself be depressed I'll tell myself that I'm happy and I'll just keep doing that, while also sometimes throwing in an activity that I enjoy doing so I can move past that feeling of unhappiness and bring myself to where I want to be. For my Anxiety, I kinda just have to force myself to get out of my bubble and put myself where I don't want to be and I just try not to think about the negatives that my conscious is is subjecting me to. I've definitely mad a lot of new friends that way which has helped me lose a lot of that Anxiety that I tend to get.
There is still a lot I have to work on but thankfully I have a lot of friends and Family that support me and wish to see me succeed in life. I feel like that kinda weighs on me also. The expectations of others and not wanting to let them down or have them look down on you because you aren't doing well in life. Then again if they all love you unconditionally it wouldn't really matter because they would appreciate you anyway because you are doing whatever you want to do. Then again, what if their definition for succeeding in life is different than yours, maybe they don't think something is good enough.
Another thing I have a problem with is social constructs. Why must they be so heavily influential? I get that it's something that we all build together but why must we keep the ones that are bad? Do we not recognize that they are bad for us or do we know they are bad but still choose to do them because it makes us feel good? Either way, I find it refreshing to escape from society sometimes and go on a camping trip or visit my grandma on the countryside because being out there makes me feel a lot better about everything mainly because I don't have to think about it and I'm far enough away that it disconnects me.
After my camping trip this weekend, I'm going to be doing my best next week to get the things done that I've been needing to do. I'll be making a list and checking it periodically to make sure I cross out every damn thing on it. Just going to cover it in black lines of success in scribble form! It'll be Great!!
Till Next Time<3, ToGGle Switch
