Tweets by The Wise Sloth: Feb 2017-April 2017

• My entire life I haven't been waiting to see what problem my president solves next, I've been waiting to see what problem he creates next.
• Watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles growing up, it always confused me that the smartest member of the team wasn't the leader.
• Bruce Wayne should have hired 10,000 mercenaries and a wise council to fight evil instead of spending millions on a one-man vigilante fetish
• "Teaching kids that the Earth is 6k years old is like teaching them that the distance across the United States is 17 feet." Lawrence Krauss (paraphrased)
• The more you tell yourself the world is on your shoulders, the more it will feel like it.
• It might save the world if everyone criticizes three things about their group every time they criticize one thing about another group.
• If your plan to fight poverty involves making the rich, richer, you don't understand economics.
• Moderate Americans and Muslims should strategize to redouble their efforts to educate their extreme members instead of passively enabling them
• It baffles me how people absorb news and wisdom from around the world on phones, then use the same apps to say technology is tearing us apart.
• You can tell the size of someone's weed habit by the size of their grinder.
• Just once I'd like to hear an American president tell all Americans to not act like victims and throw tantrums when their flaws are exposed.
• The road to bankruptcy and debt is paved with "opportunities of a lifetime."
• America's education system is so broken, it would be better to go 100% digital and close all brick and mortar schools.
• The more rules you have to follow that stress you out, the more likely your soldiers and/or politicians must be failing at their job.
• The more often and intensely you're afraid of accidentally or unintentionally breaking the law, the more likely you live in a police state.
• It baffles me that in 2017 there are still people who believe politicians care about what people who haven't given them money think.
• If you believe your bank cares about you, you're wildly mistaken. Their job isn't to help you get money. Their job is to take your money.
• We need yard work appreciation day, where he who does all the yard work relaxes while his family experiences his pain for one day each year.
• Most self-help, motivation and leadership books either teach how to be a more enthusiastic slave or slaver.
• I want an app that calculates the shortest path and with the least amount of turns to mow your lawn.
• "Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. It's your convictions that make you vulnerable to lies."
• "If the same kind of thing keeps happening to you over and over, it's probably not other people or random chance."
  
• I love how freedom of religion prevents oppression but hate how much it's used to justify oppressing those who want to be free from religion
• I bet most people in North Korea don't put any stock in the book, "The Secret."
  "The most dangerous lie is the one closest to the truth."
• If the Easter Bunny were a unicorn, we wouldn't celebrate Easter, because it would force us to confront the fact that we celebrate mythology
• You'd think humans would have learned by now, when a politician asks for more power, it's for their benefit, at your expense.
• Either all your exes are jerks or nobody wants to stay with a spoiled brat who throws hate-tantrums every time you don't get what you want.
• Radical SJWs and feminists need to embrace Abraham Lincoln's words, "Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?"
• Americans need licenses to do anything but go to church. As long as that line isn't crossed, we accept having to apply/pay for our freedoms.
• I wish Americans were as concerned with the freedom to buy medicine without a prescription as they are about freedom of religion.
• It would solve so many problems later in life if schools taught children how to take a hint.
• "A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him."David Brinkley
• "People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it." Unknown
• The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from more than what you tell them." Jim Henson
• The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work." Harry Golden
• Just once I'd like to hear America's celebrity doctors say America's health care system could be fixed by doctors boycotting insurance.
  
• You cross a line and do something to your soul when you wear sweat pants to a strip club.
• You can't pretend you're not old anymore after you start meeting kids who are too young to remember the things that defined your childhood.
• The more you find yourself telling people to give your hero a second chance, the more likely you should give your hero a second look.
• The more passionately you support any American politician, the more you should doubt your objectivity and double check you're not wrong.
• Americans have proven they can't protest without rioting. It's about time they try something different.
• There tends to be an inverse correlation between the amount of time you spend complaining and the amount of time you spend doing something.
• Just because someone says something you disagree with, that doesn't mean they're against you. They may just be for facts, and you're wrong.
• "The real problem of humanity ... we have Palaeolithic emotions; medieval institutions; and godlike technology."
• I wish humanity was as passionate about devoting resources to emigrating off Earth as we are stopping people from immigrating around Earth.
• "We will not believe more than we know, and we will not live higher than our beliefs."
• When Christians say they don't know or believe the Bible unambiguously approves of slavery, I assume they're totally Biblically illiterate.
• It's baffling how many parents give their children religious books they've never read as their primary instruction book on life.
• It's baffling how few parents have written instruction books for life to give to their children.
• Every time you watch a TV commercial, you get dumber.
• If you still trust American news stations after the 2016 POTUS election, your standards of journalistic ethics are catastrophically low.
• Wisdom is too important to wait for it to fall into your lap. Not constantly seeking/collecting it is how you stay an idiot your whole life.
• If you can't make yourself happy, you will inevitably make your lover miserable.
• There are two types of rules: 1. Time-tested best practices for accomplishing a goal 2. Bullshit someone made up to control others

• The longer you complain about being a victim, but have no plan to fix anything, the more likely you just have a delusional victim complex.
• Give Trump a chance, they said. Every chance he's had, he proved his worst critics right. How many more chances does he get?
• America would be a very different place if Trump's supporters were as critical of him as they were of Obama.
• Trump bombed Syria for using WMDs. Then he uses a MOAB in Afghanistan, which has never been used because it fits the criteria of a WMD.
• The quickest way to piss off someone in a cult is to tell them they're in a cult.
• Schools should have classes that teach you how/why not to throw tantrums when you don't get what you want.
• The easiest way to distract Americans is to make a controversial, heart-wrenching human interest story go viral.
• A guy getting kicked off an overbooked flight is not the most important thing happening today and not what everyone should be talking about.
• Aliens would be baffled by how much comedy humans watch on TV while our world is dying from wars, corruption, atrocities, oppression and waste
  
• Proving to people you're right all the time is more likely a symptom of your insecurity and shortsightedness than strength and genius.
• Politicians and soldiers should be as concerned about protecting us from insurance companies as they are about protecting us from terrorists
• If politicians could be dishonorably discharged for negligence, bad conduct and crime, all of America's congress would qualify for one.
• Just once I'd like to hear a politician advocate setting limits to how many laws a politician can break before being dishonorably discharged
• "The price of originality is criticism. The value of originality is priceless."
• American culture teaches children to question how things have always been done almost as much as it teaches them traditions are sacrosanct.
• Just once I'd like to hear a politician talk about the need for grocery store reform because the system we got is creating obesity and poverty
• Masculinity is toxic, said no feminist to their mechanics, plumbers, or soldiers ever.
• Congressmen/women, who are picked by voters in single states, get to decide laws that affect every other state. Totally defeats the purpose.
• At least once in my life, I'd like to hear a politician say voters should have the ability to veto politicians out of office by popular vote.
• The reason cheerleaders exist is to cover up the fact that sports are boring.
• If massage therapists have to do continuing education to keep their job, so should Congress.
• My high school history teacher once told my class America was founded by criminals, slaves and religious freaks. It seems nothing has changed.
• Growing experiences tend to come with growing pains. Accept it. Embrace it. Get on with it.
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• When a woman complains to you about a problem, don't offer solutions and rationalizations. Just actively listen. All you have to do is wait.
• Writers have two choices: 1. Write about the most important topics they can. 2. Write things that distract people from more important topics
• The angrier the poor get at the rich, the more the media tells them to be angry at another group of people.
• If you believe there's a liberal conspiracy to destroy America, the problem is you believe anything any fear-peddling shock jock sells you.
• Knowledge is knowing the right answers. Wisdom is asking the right questions.
• Rod Serling's monologs in "The Twilight Zone" tend to make as much sense as The Ultimate Warrior's monologs in the WWF.
  
• Your job is more of an opportunity for your employer than for you.
• Women, you can't make your boyfriend or husband better by bitching at him. You can only do that by loving, supporting and building him up.
• Anyone pissed about white privilege would have their jealousy cured by spending a week living with me in my trailer by the train tracks.
• The more times you've justified beating someone smaller than you, the more likely you're a god damn ass hole.
• The more attention you pay to sports, the less important things you learn or act on.
• Neither God or our ancestors would be proud of how our economy is designed to fuck people harder, the poorer they are.
• No matter where you live, if you're proud of being in the majority, you're probably proud of being a gullible, surface-thinking idiot.
• If there are an infinite number of universes, then there's a universe out there somewhere where each of us have had sex with Bill Nye.
• Some people are confident in social situations because they practice success. Other people are confident because they just don't give a fuck
• If you're hyperactive and can't stay still, and you don't have a hobby, you're leaving money and meaning on the table.
• If Putin helped Trump win the election, it was probably more to help America fail than to help Trump succeed.
• I wish the Republican Party would stop putting on pretenses and just change their name to the Fox News Party.
• When someone asks for forgiveness for something they're not really sorry for, they're really asking for permission.
• Trump could improve his approval rating quicker and easier by solving a few simple real problems than by grandstanding and sideshowing.
  
• Today's excuses become tomorrow's regrets.
• How do you create 1 rich person? By creating 10 poor people.
• I wonder how many homes and gardens could have been built with the money America has spent spying on its citizens.
• As long as there are for-profit prisons, ticket quotas and a war on drugs, there are no good cops, only accomplices to crime at best.
• If you contradict everything I say, I'm going to give up trying to talk to you.
• Despite what their advertisements and website say, anyone who would charge you 30% interest is not your friend.
• If we protect people from hunger as zealously as we protect them from having their feelings hurt, we'd all love life and probably each other.
• Elton John's music would have been more interesting if he was goth.
• We promote and incentivize women getting in STEM fields for equality, but where's the push for gender equality in all the most deadly jobs?
• Luckily, in America, the First Amendment allows you to speak freely about all your other rights the RNC and DNC are constantly taking away.
• Every month hundreds of millions of Americans celebrate their freedom by living paycheck to paycheck.
• Life according to conservativism: Blindly defending Democrats = sheep. Blindly defending Republicans = patriot. Not defending either = slacker
• Just once I wish someone watching reality TV would drop their head in their hands and mumble, "Fuck. I'm what's wrong with this world."
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Every year Americans celebrate their freedom by paying hundreds of dollars to renew their professional licenses that arbitrarily expired.

It's ironic when Muslims say Islam is a religion of peace, since Muslim extremists have killed more Muslims than non-Muslims by magnitudes.

The dumber the individual, the dumber the whole. We all have a personal and civic responsibility to not be stupid.

The more emotional a news host is, the more likely they're a shock jock.

American presidents are as synonymous with dishonesty as American military recruiters are.

Whatever your favorite radio DJ personalities are most excited about, you should not be.

For some reason, people hate it when you wear black shoes with a brown belt or visa/versa. It doesn't make any sense, but be prepared for it

The statement, "The more money you have, the better life is," is more true than the statement, "The more male you are, the better life is."

The statement, "The more money you have, the better life is," is more true than the statement, "The more white you are, the better life is."

The angrier and more frightened watching the news makes you, the less likely you're watching real journalistic new reporting.

If your plan to make the world better is to kill, incarcerate or deport all the bad guys, you're probably one of the bad guys.
Image sources 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12

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