Here’s the healthy way to compare yourself to other people
On the Aug. 4 episode of his weekly podcast, Shifu Says, the monk discussed comparisons, responding to a query from Peter, a 40-year-old Hong Kong teacher who has started avoiding his materially successful friends because he feels inferior to them. Peter’s friends are kind to him but he can’t manage his own emotions in their presence.
The zen master told Peter to face his friends and fears, promising the bad feelings will fade upon close examination. “We should notice the differences between people and be aware of them while maintaining a quiet heart,” says the abbot. By letting money mar friendships, Peter is emphasizing its importance rather than simply acknowledging circumstances. “Know the difference but have no reaction,” says the zen master.
In other words, comparison doesn’t require judgment. If you feel pain, face it, he says. Unpleasant emotions are a call to examine what we really value.
Advice in action
According to the abbot, Peter is likely to discover that his feelings are fleeting. And the zen master is right. That’s what happens when I apply that advice.
On the Aug. 4 episode of his weekly podcast, Shifu Says, the monk discussed comparisons, responding to a query from Peter, a 40-year-old Hong Kong teacher who has started avoiding his materially successful friends because he feels inferior to them. Peter’s friends are kind to him but he can’t manage his own emotions in their presence.
The zen master told Peter to face his friends and fears, promising the bad feelings will fade upon close examination. “We should notice the differences between people and be aware of them while maintaining a quiet heart,” says the abbot. By letting money mar friendships, Peter is emphasizing its importance rather than simply acknowledging circumstances. “Know the difference but have no reaction,” says the zen master.
In other words, comparison doesn’t require judgment. If you feel pain, face it, he says. Unpleasant emotions are a call to examine what we really value.
Advice in action
According to the abbot, Peter is likely to discover that his feelings are fleeting. And the zen master is right. That’s what happens when I apply that advice.
Conservatism discards Prescription, shrinks from Principle, disavows Progress having rejected all respect for antiquity, it offers no redress for the present, and makes no preparation for the future.