Dr. The Leaping Koala_ my journey in life # 4_ Why I was born?_Part 1
Why I was born? A question that I never ceased to ask myself...
Some people would probably say, “It is a philosophical question we should not ponder”. Some would say, “We are born merely as a result of biological desires”. Others would say, “There is no answer to this question”.
Maybe all of that is true and maybe there is no divine reason for our presence in this world.
But I really don't care, I want to make a reason. I want to be the author who writes the twists and turns of my life story even if I did not have a say in writing its first chapter. I want to write future chapters of meaningful support, hopefulness and purpose. A kind word, an encouraging smile, an understanding nod or just a comforting pat on the shoulders. It does not matter what language I use to write my story as long as the words used can help someone forget their despair, even for a moment.
I want to make an impression on someone who, one day, will remember that I existed in this world and feel thankful for it…
I was born in Saudi Arabia in a very large family consisting of a father, 2 wives, 10 brothers and 4 sisters. Offered up for marriage at the age of 13, my mother had six children in very close succession. Living a very difficult life, not having a chance of education or family support with many young children and a very strict older husband working day and night to feed all the hungry mouths, my mother didn't want to bear another child ever again. She was successful for almost 10 years, taking every possible precaution she could, until the detrimental day came about when she found that she was pregnant with me.
Feeling powerless against fate, my mother's health deteriorated as she succumbed to severe depression trying to reject her life and the life of the child she was carrying. My arrival to this world was premature and coldly welcomed. As I spent the first few months of my life confined inside a hospital incubator, eager anticipation of my rapid departure was building up after the verdict of having possible developmental debilitations was given...
To be continued...
Many thanks for reading, commenting and upvoting
Dr. The leaping koala :)
P.S: Thanks to @scrooger for the divider :)
Saudi Arabia, what a surprise, Steemit is definitely worldwide eh...
Nice worked out post, good blog start, don't forget to link to this one when you write #2 #3 etc..
Love, keep going!
Hi @bubke, Thanks for stopping by and commenting again :D
My origin is Saudi Arabia but I am living in Canada now. You will read that in the coming sequels of the story :D
Thanks again :)
This is really a big family...
Yup, it is a big family.
Unlike China, it is known in Saudi to have large families. Unbelievably some families have 14 children from a single woman. Imagine if they were 2 or more wives!
Polygamy in Islam is allowed. men can marry up to 4 women max. Used to be more popular during my parent's time but not so much now, I think.
Thanks for the upvote and the comment :)
Nothing wrong with a healthy dose of narcissism now and again, my friend !
@patriotwargamer, not sure I understand what you mean by that.
Do you think the story I am writing about my life convey narcissism?
Hope to hear more explanation from you :)
There is no evidence of narcissism. There is a strong desire for self worth. You have expressed the desire to be a positive influence on the world. This is not narcissistic, in fact it is quite the opposite. A narcissist only cares about their growth and appearance to others, seeing themselves as the temple everyone else should worship. You see your self as someone who can potentially lift up those around them.
You also expressed a desire to be in control of your own destiny. This is a natural feeling I think, because we all have a natural tendency to fear the unpredictable chaos around us. If we can't control it, we don't know what is going to happen and that is truly frightening. It is actually healthy to want and to actively try and control things in our environment, but within reason. There are degrees of this phenomenon that can tread too far into a form of psychological dysfunction. A form of this dysfunction can be embraced, or contracted if you will to another entity. By believing in something that has full control and has your good in mind for example. That being is comforting because it exists in that chaos, and is taking care of it for you. Whether that person be god, some other you, or some other mystical power, the desire to have them control all of the things you know deep down you can't is a way to still feel fully secure from the chaos. It is perfectly fine to hold such beliefs, but only when you also accept that these beliefs may not be true. If you cannot, then you are deliberately sheltering your self from the chaos with your own imagination.
In order to be certain you are not fooling your self, here is the mantra you must maintain:
You must be able to accept the possibility that there is no reason or purpose to anything. That there is no universal will, no god, or any caretaker over the chaos. That you are here entirely by chance and every past event in your life was strictly based on all of the other random events that led up to it without any particular goal in mind. Our planet is but a single grain of sand of a massive desert, and our species' entire time line is a single flicker of light from the sun upon that grain. Your existence, and that of your species will very likely never amount to anything, nor even be noticed by anything else ever.
The above mantra while cold and unyielding, is the absolute form of the chaos that we cannot prove is false. The more strongly you do not want this to be possible, the more you must will it upon your self, like any other fear. So long as you can face this chaos head on, then you are not fooling yourself, or hiding from the fear associated with it that resides in all of us. It is only when you can truly embrace this mantra head on, that you will be free. Free to live on your terms, and nobody else's.
The rest of the piece is simply historical, and there is no reason to claim you have any psychological phenomenon based on sharing them.
Many thanks @silentwrath for your comment. Impressive analysis of my writing.
I think what is even worse than accepting the chaos mantra you talked about, is accepting that everything that exist around us is not real, neither we are real. This whole life we perceive only exists in the imagination of the universe or an entity we don't even know because we exist inside it's imagination only.
I find that thinking of this possibility is even more unsettling than believing in the chaos mantra.
Despite the fact that I wouldn't want either of the last two scenarios to be the reality. In my mind, everything and anything is possible. I think that is how we humans come to believe in, or if you wish create, the all knowing, all powerful, all controlling, all loving God. Because all these traits at their fullest form are impossible for humans to comprehend, so we make it possible by believing in a more powerful entity that makes it more possible.
The desire of sharing my life story and the lessons I learned with Steemit people is to send a message to those having hard time in their lives that
1- They can achieve whatever they want despite the difficulties.
2- They are not a lone, even if they feel like it most of the time. And I don't mean by "not alone" that other people are suffering like them, but that those who suffered and were able to move on are sharing their pain and wishing them to succeed and be free by sending them prayers and hopes.
3- They are loved, even if they can't hear it. Because those who share their experiences of hard life love them and support them.
All these sentiments may not mount for much in the physical world, but from my experience, I know that the sentiment of those believed in me and gave me kind and supportive words was like a powerful propelling energy for me to persevere and not give up during the toughest times.
Many thanks for engaging me in an interesting discussion and for the moral support :D
[ I think what is even worse than accepting the chaos mantra you talked about, is accepting that everything that exist around us is not real, neither we are real. This whole life we perceive only exists in the imagination of the universe or an entity we don't even know because we exist inside it's imagination only.
I find that thinking of this possibility is even more unsettling than believing in the chaos mantra. ]
A good point, yes many share that fear as well. Have you watched The Matrix? It is all about a virtual universe.
Thanks for the suggestion @silentwrath
Another movie to add to the list of must-watch ;D
I appreciate your substantive comment. I like reason =)
However, you deviate from reason in your argument in one respect, a recognition of our infinitesimal competence to comprehend.
This is hubris.
Perhaps you have arrived at that conclusion, but you are vastly exceeding your capabilities to claim it is fact, and that one 'must' agree.
Thanks!
I was being flippant - don't take me too seriously ! That particular post? .....mmmm lol
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