Damp mornings
I have really out-done myself lately and I should be impressed with all I have accomplished and all that I am in the process of completing. I'm pushing my limits and making things happen in anyway I can. One day I will be proud :)
I have my post it note calendar filled with various things to do for my various projects plus going to work and it marks when we have the kids here. It's full. I didn't even have a day to put "relax" on this month. I have a lot to do this month and I feel incredibly stretched thin because I can't do everything properly like I wish. Working, planning, cleaning and even grocery shopping at this point. It's all become quite impossible, but I still try.
I am kind of upset with myself this morning though.
My husband has wanted to have a party here for years. Not something huge involving 100 people, kegs and loud music. Just a few friends drinking and having fun until a reasonable time. So he invited 2 friends over and they were going to do just that while I worked on projects with my laptop wearing ear plugs in the kitchen. I wasn't going to participate because I have not been feeling well lately and I needed to make sure someone was responsible here.
Well, one friend brought his wife and she thought it would be fun if her and I had a few drinks. I have found in the past that drinking can help 'sidetrack' my brain from thinking EVERYTHING hurts all of the time. I avoid alcohol since I was a teenager, but will have a drink or two once in awhile.
"If ya can't beat them, join them"
So that I did.
I drank and laughed a lot, it was fun to have fun. Stupid, but fun. I have never drank that much in my life and I did not get sick. I did however feel incredibly hungover until yesterday afternoon around 4. I will never be doing that again.
After the past few weeks of intense stress and symptoms getting worse, a night off was a good thing for me. The next day was thanksgiving dinner and I'm remembering now that I had a phone appointment as well....
FORK :/
Well, that's a feeling of crap that I can't brush off...I had a very important phone appointment that I have been trying to organize for the past two weeks. Two insane weeks of crap and chaos. The Universe is gifting me this phone appointment and I seriously messed it up again, but this time it was my fault instead of out of my hands.
I didn't know people were showing up at 2 in the afternoon and staying until 3 the next day and then I was going to a Thanksgiving dinner at his mothers. I also did not know I was going to join them in the drinking Saturday night.. a decision I think I need to second guess next time. My body hurts in places I didn't know existed or could hurt and now my heart is disappointed in me too.
It seems I need to check emails and hope connections are not lost so this entry will be shorter.
May today be a great day for us all. Be kind to your mind <3
Positive thoughts,
-Kristen Sparkle
Day 197/365
Entry 90/183
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