A different kind of love

As a young girl, I used to be a very soft-hearted naive person who loved with all her heart and got almost nothing but heartache.

I don't say that I'm not soft-hearted anymore, but I learned how to control my heart even if it was for a very little bit when dealing with people, whether they are family members, friends, colleagues so on so forth.

I have always been a tremendously romantic dreamer. I've always been told that "life isn't as easy as you think it is". but how would I know? I was very young among a loving family.

As I grew up, facing people and incidents from all different kinds, I started to understand, but at that time, I had a mind vs heart conflict.. I understood that being too kind and sweet was bringing me pain, but I couldn't stop doing it because this is how I am.

As life passed I was shocked how people treat each other (oh yea I was very naive). I was and still am a VERY simple person. I miss someone? I call or text. I am hurt from someone that I care for, I tell them. I felt bad about a word or a sentence, I ask what the speaker meant. That's me and this will never change. because simplicity is a real virtue in a world of many conflicts and complications.

By the time I was 20, I realised that relationships are temporary and there is no such "best friends forever" thing. Because life takes us with its raging flow. And it determines us to make priorities because we don't have much time.

After university I had to deal with people as colleagues and managers, and guess who was bad at it xD
I treated everybody in a very friendly way (although I thought I was formal) and that of course isn't acceptable in a work zone.
That created some problems of being misunderstood.

By the time I was 23, I was still naive in many ways, but then a life incident happened that changed everything. I got engaged and I left the guy because I realised he was abusing my feelings and I was staying still as if I don't deserve better. One Wednesday afternoon everything changed. He was saying some really low expressions about my family and me. and that was it. I ended it. at that time I realised I deserve a better, more loving, more appreciating man.
I never say it was easy to cut off an engagement. But sometimes we have to do things that are difficult at the moment, but will definitely make us happier in the future.

At 25 I got engaged, then got married to a caring and loving man who changed my life. He always pushes me to become a better person. He always pushes me to learn. He always encourages me when I start a new crazy hobby. ofcourse we have our downs but at the end of the day I feel thankful I have him.

I always thought that the greatest love one can feel and experience is the love of the significant other. Because I really put my all in it you know? But as soon as I got pregnant, I knew... I knew there was a much bigger different kind of love. When I saw my son in my hands, I just thought... "How could a creature so small have a tremendously huge love in my heart?" HOW! How could these little feet be kissed more often than the cheeks? How could this little toothless mouth be the sweetest ever! How could these tiny fingers hold my all in just a delicate grip! How could a folded ear take me several minutes of staring and smiling at? How! Even when I knew that my son has a very rare illness and will cause death in the first couple of years in his life, I still feel that he is one of the greatest blessings yet one of the greatest pains too. But I always try to see the bright side.

I believe that I wouldn't have reached this far, and experienced all these emotions and growth if I stayed the naive little girl who I used to be. I won't deny that the same "little girl" still plays inside of me somewhere, and at times she actually "appears" to the surface and acts surprised or happy to some incidents.
Also, I believe that everyone of us shouldn't settle down to something less that they deserve. Being emotionally intelligent and aware of what was going on in my life made me reach to the level where I give every feeling its scale and know how to be grateful especially in the hard times. Of course I'm a human being and I have my hard times; I cry and I feel distressed and hopeless at times. But I try to get out of it real soon.

I encourage everyone to become aware of their feelings, to reach a place or a level of " a different kind of love" like I did. Because as you have your "different kind of love" you will feel an appreciation that flows within you, and nothing, and I mean it, NOTHING can stop you from being grateful.

Be well everyone.