Hey Fellow Steemians :)

I am confident that at some point in our life we all have experienced some form of betrayal in our life. Any form of relationship (marriage, romantic, friendship, family) has its trials we need to overcome, and it's not always an easy road.

Betrayal

This is feeling that leaves a bitter taste in your life. When the initial shock of revelation hits you it can feel like you are being gutted and then it just starts feeling like a blade twisting in your gut upwards into your rib cage shattering your belief and you as a person. You can feel like your world has been chopped into little pieces and thrown into a grinder and this can cause you to feel overly emotional and act in an irrational manner-no one can blame you. The deeper the meaning of the relationship or how much you have invested in the relationship, the harder the blow.

But this doesn't mean it's over for you, and maybe not even for the relationship.

Forgiveness

Now, this may sound far fetched when you are still feeling pained by the betrayal you have experienced. You may choose that you never want to see the person again who hurt you so deeply, some may even feel a little vengeful may discover they have the same foul vocabulary as a pirate to try and make the other person feel just a fraction of hurt you are feeling. You may seem irrational and will most likely even be accused of that or worse, but this is a normal reaction.

In my experience there are 3 different actions of the guilty party:

• The guilty party won't want to admit what they have done because they don't understand or they are just being unreasonable.
• In other cases they don't want to admit it because they feel so ashamed and guilty but want to make you responsible for their actions.
• And then there are the cases of admitting because they feel regretful and apologetic.

In the first example, I don't see how you can reason with a person like that to make things right if the person can't admit their mistakes, chances are very good they are just going to repeat it and you will go in circles feeling betrayed and hurt over and over again. I am not saying don't try, you may be able to get through at some point getting outside professional help.

In the second example, well this can resort to lots of arguing back and forth before reaching a point where you can sit down and talk things out. This is the case in a lot of relationships, this not always healthy but remember we are all human and it depends on the level of wrong doing committed.

These are likely the more sensitive people or people who have always been open and honest in their relationships and who are very trusting as well. This is healthy because you can sit down and talk things out.

Forgiveness is not always easy and sometimes maybe even impossible for months or years to come. It took me years to forgive a family member of mine. No one expects you to just forgive like nothing happened, and if you expect someone to forgive you and they don't...GIVE IT TIME!

The phrase "Time heals all wounds" is not that far off, I read somewhere that it takes about 9 or 11 months to really completely forgive someone, this is the amount of time it takes for you brain to "forget" the hurt you felt.
Keep in mind, if you really want to forgive, you need help re-wire your brain (I am not saying repress the pain, give yourself time to let it out, cry and yell it out. But you will know the feeling when the day comes when you feel all cried out and tired of feeling tired, this is when you start trying to move forward). Yes, you may want to forgive but you feel hurt. So when those painful memories come up, force yourself to think of the happier times and the happy possibilities that may still be in your future.

FORGIVENESS DOES COME QUICK AND EASY. BUT IT TAKES TWO TO ACHIEVE.
Sometimes you need to fake it until you make it if you really want it.

Trust

If you have betrayed someone, remember, if they have forgiven you, this doesn't mean you have won back their trust as well. For now, be grateful for the forgiveness you have received as that was already a hard road to walk. Trust is Earned.
This is really a long process, this is someone that needs to proven time and time again to show that you are worthy. Trust is something that is just part of any relationship, this is a part of a person. And when it's broken, it's not only crack in the relationship, but the person lost a bit of themselves. This is why it is crucial to prove you can be trusted again before you get another part of the person again. Don't rush it. Don't blame the person.

I think this is why they say trust can never be restored. Not because a person can't be trusted again, that is doable with a lot of work, effort and time. But every time someone's trust is broken, a little piece of them has chipped away.

And if you are struggling to trust someone again, don't give up hope. If your relationship is really important to you and you really want it, you can achieve it.

In my case, I have never gotten back to the point to trust that family member again, well, not completely, I trusted him enough to at least have conversations and say hello when in the area.

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married 6 years, and needless to say, we have had our ups and downs and had a few scares of almost splitting ways. But we both came to a point to sit down and realize what we want, and we worked for it, and now most days it comes easy again.

Relationships take works, yes in the lighter times things come easy, but don't let your comfort zone make you too comfortable!!

Reposting incase somebody missed it
With Love,
@the-housewife aka Bekkie