Still Suffering From New Year's Depression?

The clock has just struck midnight,
it’s 1 January 2017. You’re at a party with your closest friends. Happy New Year! Kiss the girls, hug the lads, switch from beer to spirits, pinch a cigarette. New Year, new you but not just yet. There’s time for one last blow out before January begins properly.

This is your year. You’ll lose weight, drink less, throw out your cigarettes and lighters, earn more, be a better person...

IMAGE SOURCE

Only you won’t. You know you won’t, because you have no willpower or discipline. You’re an adult child (a millennial), and you can’t keep a resolution because you’ve been infantilised to the point of uselessness.

OK, that’s a bit harsh, but the New Year has become the symbolic starting point for the pursuit of perfection; it marks an otherwise arbitrary period of time to cram in as much self-loathing as possible, so that we can reverse the decline.

A study from the University of Florida suggests that ‘ego depletion’ comes into play, Where self-control or willpower can be used up if we’re over-stimulated or low on self-esteem. A survey from the University of Bristol expounds the theory, finding that 88 per cent of 3,000 participants failed to keep New Year’s resolutions, with 10 per cent admitting they made too many to keep in the first place.

With everything conspiring against us, I’ve come up with a couple of ideas that will help you make a decent iist of achieving your goals this year.

IMAGE SOURCE

Firstly, don’t bother trying until at least March. Sure, the beginning is always the best place to start, but starting a running regime or dry January during the depths of winter is stupid. It’s cold, dark and miserable; you’re obviously going to be skint, and if you enjoy what you’re doing, why bother giving it up? Start the year by embracing every vice, and use them as a crutch until the clocks go forward. The air is fresher, the earth will thaw and a decent dose of vitamin D Will help strengthen any resolve your weak, fleshy body has in it.

IMAGE CREDITS

Now focus on a single goal. It doesn’t matter how big, small or trivial that goal is, it’s the only thing that is going to get your attention. Picking that goal is harder. As we’re all about being real, let’s not pick a resolution that is vague or too big, like swapping your low-paying role as an assistant-juniorvice-executive whatever, to a big-time Charlie on £80k a year. Remember, it’s likely the people in those roles had to work for a long time to earn that position and become an insufferable bastard in the process. Think about self-preservation try to make a change which helps you live long enough to reach insufferable bastard-status, such as curbing smoking or drinking. Now develop a bite-sized strategy to reaching that goal within a set timeframe. Rather than going cold turkey with a dry January, just cut down your drink or cigarette intake day by day, week by week. Maybe even embrace the infantilisation, and chart your progress with a wall planner and gold stars. Remember you are at your peak. We believe in you. You’ve been mollycoddled all the way into your mid-20s, and it’s time to take control of your future. So let’s do it one baby step at a time, yeah?

Thanks for reading and have a good day!
You can follow me HERE for more articles like this