Unexpected life over dinner

She watched his face intently to see if what was coming out were just words to provoke conversation or was their belief to add weight, understanding perhaps. She was used to being questioned, used to the sometimes hostile approach to those who disagreed , those who had other ideas, those who argued for the sake of arguing.

She watched and listen, there was no sign of wavering in the voice, no confusion in the approach, no conflict in the delivery. Word and hand were in unison, this person was a believer, at least in what they believed.

They questioned her ideas, her ideals and at times, she had to work hard to think of an answer. Did he notice that there was a conflict in her own words? The next question confirmed that he had. There was no animosity, no cruelty, just curiosity, honest and appreciative of the opportunity to speak and question freely.

If one couldn't speak freely to her, to whom they could? To turn a deaf ear would be to admit defeat. Not in the eyes of this person, but the eye of the self. The eye that remains vigilant always, no matter how often it gets ignored. No, she must listen and respond, it is the only defense available to use, even though there is seemingly no attack. Maybe in another arena, away from the noise of the room she would have a better chance she thought.

She herself was curious. A difficult position when one must be on guard but still desires to venture into the darkness. Is it a trap? Most likely but still, just a little further she thought to herself. There is no danger here, I am sure of myself.

He inquired to her background and how she had chosen the life she had and she found herself telling a lot more than she had expected to divulge. Nothing of consequence but, private all the same. It made her eyes stare briefly as she remembered the moments that led her to where she now was, speaking about something that she had spoken of many times before. This seemed different.

The discussion raised many questions on both sides, but very few solutions came from her as in some cases, the questions were too abstract or the answers too clear to possibly be true. She had studied this subject, taught it for years and had never thought of it from this perspective. Why? Is it because the view is incorrect or is it through a denial of other possibilities, an unwillingness to really explore what could be. Had she accepted a position too quickly, assumed its correctness based upon her upbringing, her personal interests? Was she wrong?

But then no, she listened and to what was being said and her view still made sense, even though it was different from what she had just heard, how could this be? She suddenly realised she had sat back into her chair in quiet contemplation and had not spoken for too long by normal social convention, just listening and thinking. Almost trance like.

They didn't seem to mind this, they were comfortable speaking slowly through their position, pausing as they tried to find the correct words, words she could grasp. She looked again into their eyes to see if they had diverged from their path, still no, still clear, yet unrehearsed. They really believed what they were saying and apparently lived it out in their daily life. Why couldn't others do the same, both speak and live in harmony with themselves?

She wondered if her position was flawed, even if correct. If the words do not lead to the desired actions to back them up, what good are they? She wondered if she herself lived to the expectations she held upon others. Others far less skilled and knowledgeable than herself in these matters. Can she expect them to do as ordered when so many within her own ranks could not?

They raised this question, raised the hypocrisy that resides in the practical application, raised some fundamental questions that question all of what is build upon them. But, not raised through a question itself, but through a window with a view across possibilities that all lead to the same point, eternity or nothing.

She noticed herself again fading from the conversation, becoming passive where she is normally active, quietly listening when it is usually her voice she would hear echoed back. This time was different, she tried to absorb all she could, she may not get this opportunity again. She must make a mental note of these points and write them as clearly as possible into the mind to bring up for later consideration, to test them against her own experience and knowledge banks.

Her mind snapped to attention, a message was received indicated by a sharp beep from her phone. She remarked at the time and mentioned she must work tomorrow. She stood, as did they, and shook their hand and looked into the eyes one last time to try to catch the deception, the lie of the pupil that would mean she could drop this nonsense and move further along her path unquestioningly. None was forthcoming.

She smiled genuinely and openly, this had been interesting. Unexpectedly so considering her first impressions, she looked once more and then turned and walked away, the black fabric of her clothing shifting with each step.

I sat back down. This had been interesting for me also to speak to someone knowledgeable, intelligent and who held a very different view of the same thing to myself. I always learn something new in these rare situations either about others or more importantly, about myself. Likely, learning about one, is learning about the other anyway.

It was a pleasure sitting down over good food and discussing with a woman who's beliefs were questioned internally and still had the integrity to consider and search ever deeper. To be truly interested in another's perspective of life. Not every priest I have had the chance to speak with has been filled with the same gentle grace, nor the curiosity to question themselves.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]