Why We Judge Others by Their Behavior

Why do we judge others by their behavior? The dictionary definition of this word is "a subjective standard of judgment applied to an individual". It can be applied to other people as well, however, it appears to be more common to us. When someone is acting in a way that does not match up with our perceived behavior patterns we automatically criticize and treat them differently.

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Some of the ways we judge are by physical attributes, such as appearance, hair, clothes, height, age and so on. Other times we may look at their demeanor or their spoken words. We might also evaluate their choices and their consequences. In many cases we are relying on their history. This may include parents or other role models. How we interact with others depends largely on the choices we make in life.

One of my favorite sayings is, "actions speak louder than words". There are countless events and occurrences that occur in our lives and decisions we make that will affect how we are judged. What we do or don't do can change these perceptions for the positive or negative. When an individual behaves in a way that we deem inappropriate or undesirable, we can quickly change our opinions of them by engaging in similar behaviors. For example, if we see an individual breaking the law by driving while intoxicated, we could engage in similar actions to prove they are not worthy of trust.

We act in response to what we perceive is happening in the world around us. We react to and judge others based on their behavior. While this may work to some degree, it is not without its flaws. For example, if we judge someone for saying something we all agree is wrong, we set up an environment whereby others are likely to behave similarly in the future. We create a pattern of behavior and thought that will inevitably lead to the same outcomes.

Many individuals have the natural tendency to want to know if there is a correlation between certain actions or thoughts and how a person reacts to it. Is it possible that by understanding that another individual reacts in a certain manner to certain events, we can begin to understand their behavior better? For example, if we know that another individual always says he/she is sorry, how can we conclude that this is a sign of change? How can we know when they really mean it? This type of reasoning is circular; there is no correct or incorrect answer because everyone reacts differently to situations.

Many individuals judge by their words and actions. This leads to a multitude of problems including unnecessary conflict and misunderstanding. When someone begins to say things that are out of alignment with societal views, it creates a problem and results in negative feedback. On the flip side, if we hear someone express a thought or opinion that is in alignment with our own, we can benefit from listening. We will likely find that we can develop a deeper and more meaningful relationship.

How many times have you been left thinking; 'I could have said that better'? What if we could eliminate those thoughts and replace them with 'I noticed that first.' By removing these negative statements we free up time for positive communication. It is important to realize that negative statements tend to be self-defeating and create resistance to change. On the other hand, if we focus on the positives, it is much easier to accept constructive criticism and move on.

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So the next time you feel overwhelmed with responsibility; pause and ask yourself 'What's the harm?' The answer is always within you. Rather than letting that 'harm' define your world view, use your voice to bring clarity. The result may not be immediately apparent, but soon enough it will become so. We all need to be aware of what we're saying when we criticize others and we must be willing to try to change the way we talk if we expect to change the way they react.