Adventures Of A Tantruming Two Year Old
My two year old son has a determined and extremely stubborn nature, which is usually displayed at it's best when we are cooped up indoors. I think like most toddlers, he prefers the outdoors, especially when he is given freedom to wander and explore. So on a beautiful sunny Sunday like we had today, we headed to the park for an adventure and some fresh air. While the idea seemed fun, the start to our outing was pleasant, the end - not so much!
We live in Durban, South Africa. It's winter time here, but the sun was shining and temperatures reached 28 degrees Celsius (about 82 degrees Fahrenheit). Our destination of choice: Memorial Park, found in a smaller suburb called Kloof. This park features a small stream, beautiful trees and wide open space, making it ideal for kids as well as dogs to run, play and discover. When we arrived it was full of people picnicking, playing ball sports or simply just meandering the paths.
The Happy Adventure
My son, Noah, entered the park at full force riding his toy plastic motorbike, or his "bikle" as he calls it. Dogs scattered as he approached "vroom vrooming" and shrieking like only a toddler can. A few braver dogs came over for a sniff and a lick, but moved along uninterested in what we had to offer, we came bearing no treats! Zooming down the open paths was short lived however, as soon as Noah spotted the stream, he bounced off his bike (literally) and bolted for the cool waters. Since it was a warm day, I was happy for him to get his feet wet and splash in the pools.
We did a few rounds on the slide, but this didn't last long, it was back to the water for us. This time my dare-devil kid decided he wanted to test the limits and headed towards the deeper part of the stream. This did not sit well with me. Firstly, the deeper water was stagnant and most likely home to all sorts of slithery creatures and creepy crawlies, also, I always worry about whether the water is sanitary or not. So as he made a dash, so did I, to catch up with him and give him a stern "sorry, but we're not going to go into the deep water".
The Not So Happy Adventure
Boy oh boy, he did not like this response and with stomp of his feet he once again made a beeline for the water. Again I caught up with him and began to explain that the deep stream water was "stinky" water and too cold to swim in. I gently explained to him that if he cannot follow what I am asking him to do, that we have to go home. JEESH! Before I knew it he was on the floor kicking and screaming, rolling around and screeching at the top of his lungs. We were the new entertainment and as I felt all eyes fall upon us, I became red with embarrassment and flustered on how to handle my tantruming two year old.
Again, I told him that if he doesn't calm down, we have to go home. He didn't calm down. I very much believe that when disciplining your child, empty threats do more harm than good, so I had to stick to my promise. I picked up my toddler in one arm and the bikle in the other. I felt defeated and sudden exhaustion. This is when my guardian angel appeared, my hero. A mommy I have never seen before came to my rescue. She grabbed the bike and my bag and carried them to my car while I dealt with my stubborn toddler who was still wriggling in my arms. As I fought him into his car chair, Bonnie (I got her name), proceeded to give me kind words of support and understand, from one mother to another, while many others were still glaring dirty daggers and me and my child, it was either that or pure pity.
I thanked Bonnie and told her how much I appreciated her kindness, although I don't think she will ever know just how much help she was, her consoling words gave me the strength to get my son home and calmed down so that we could have a good chat about his behavior at the park and why our outing had to come to a sudden halt. He seemed to understand at the time. An hour later, we had another outburst.
Tell me mommies that I am not alone? Do you have a feisty toddler too? How do you handle the public tantrums and outbursts? I hope I did the right thing today. Should I have let him go into the water? Should I have bribed him into settling down?
What a great post @sweetpea. These are the kinds of things that baffle most parents. How do we really deal with situations that arise that put us on the spot--where we feel we have to respond immediately and know others are watching? I always think these subjects are worth exploration as parenting is one of the most important things we can do on this planet-. Raising a high-vibe community of thriving, capable, inquisitive, responsible generation of human beings will indeed change the world!
I always find that the first thing to do is assess the situation, but not from a place of fear. Kids just really want to explore. I know I wouldn't like it one bit if someone were to move my body in ways I didn't want it moved, or to have someone come swoop me away from something I am fascinated about discovering. That stream was probably calling his name as there were likely all kinds of interesting things about it he would want to know. Sometimes we squash their zest for learning and discovery by rushing to rescue because we are scared. Facing my own fears is my first go-to.
So you don't really know what is in that deeper part of the stream, but if it's a stream there is at least some moving water and therefore less likely to be filled with terrible lurking creatures--at least it could be worth a closer look to find out. I think I would have gotten excited about the deep part of that stream too, and taken him with me (by the hand if he wants) for a closer look. We could look at it closely for mosquito larvae, water skippers, tadpoles, floating sticks or leaves, other bugs, or living things in there that would capture his interest and potential slow down his desire to just jump in. And while there, I'd make a better assessment as to whether this water is really a problem, or if my fear is just getting the best of me.
There are many ways to engage water and I'd be playing right along with them checking out all the things about it and explaining all the things I was thinking about it along the way. We could throw small pebbles into the water, throw leaves at it and see how many we can get to float, we can poke lots of sticks in it and dig some of the bottom up to see what's under there. If he were older I would take a container of the water home and look at it under a magnifying glass. I can instill in him a love and understanding of nature.
Our children will come aware with better awareness, discovery skills, curiosity peaked and potentially saturated, they will get to explore things that are potentially dangerous with more information, safely with you while he sees you are interested in his well-being, his inquisitive nature, and others around you may also see there are alternative ways of dealing with "scary" situations. Help him discover why it may be dangerous so he will grow to make these determinations for himself.
I have found that most parents don't have a very wide perspective or a great amount of skills to deal with these situations, so were likely feeling sorry for you having to deal with a screaming child, which is very common for a large number of families. I think we can avoid the screaming fit all together if we remember that all things are opportunities for learning and empowering our children. If we check in on our own fears, have patience, and shoot for in-the-moment involvement and understanding over control, we can activate a "positive" outcome. Always being on the side of the child, nurturing and supporting curiosity builds trust for you both, and allows him the freedom to act with greater awareness, not out of frustration and anger.
If he is a dare devil kinda kid, he will be wise to develop skills now, and have as much experience as possible in examining situations and beginning to take responsible for his own well-being.
Thanks for engaging the conversation @sweetpea. I'm grateful to exchange with you.
Wow, thank you for a lovely and informative response @everlove, I will definitely practice some of the points you mentioned, they are very insightful and helpful. Thank you for a meaningful response, appreciated - and on my way to follow you!
One of my passions is children, and I believe our parenting is the only thing that can really change the world. If we don't raise a generation of empowered beings, I believe we are doomed. I write a lot about parenting, as does @quinneaker who is the founder of the @gardenofeden. We have many many years of experience in rethinking everything, and especially in the realms of raising free, passionate children. I'm grateful to share with you. Thanks for the follow. I'm following you too.
I love this kid...daredevil...
Yup, he is a boy through and through, he seeks adventure and loves the rush of adrenaline!
Exceptional, really brave boy. I like this.
Oh the joys of parenthood. Tell me about it! I have a 4year old, a 5year old and a 6year old. There was a time when they were 1,2 and 3 and also 2,3 and4. Unfortunately, there will also come a time when they will be 15,16 & 17, and we'll have bigger teenage problems. Good luck mommy, this stage passes but it comes right back again. I just tried to focus their attention on something else which worked most of the time but not always.
Wow, I'm exhausted with just one child, you're definitely a super mommy! Thank you for your advice, we've been told "small kids, small problems - big kids....well, BIG problems".
Oh, and as a fellow mommy I will definitely be following you!
Thank you so much. Yes I think we are all super mommies whether we have 1 child or 10. Good luck mommy! It will get worse before it gets easier but worth every minute ;)
I feel you @sweetpea. I have 2 little ones 3 and 1.5 and fortunately my eldest is 8 who is really of great help to me when 4 of us go outdoors without dad.
I would probably have done the same thing as you- although luckily I have not experienced that kind of outrage from these little bunch.
And yeah, try to talk.to them later on after "the storm" passes.
Outdoors man in the making!!!
You did a great job. Many parents would have given in, but I think you did the right thing. Blessings
Overall it was a wonderful experience, not embarrassing