Expectations vs Wants.. pt 2

In Part 1 of this post, we looked at How & Why our brain operates by anticipating most likely future outcomes and Why we often DON'T get what we want because we act on what we expect.

Now let's look at the second half of our equation: How can we use this knowledge to get the life we desire??

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So now we know that our brain has evolved to use past experiences to make predictions about the future. That's normal and useful. However, the main reason people get stuck in a rut in life is because they hold a belief (subconscious or otherwise) that the future can't be better.. this belief skews their expectations of what is to come and therefore their emotions and actions turn out negative events in a cyclical manner.

However, if you are aware of what your expectations are, you can use your conscious mind to override this kind of automatic negative thinking. In this way you can start to plan for how to get a different outcome.

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One of the primary reasons our brains have become prediction computers is due to reward seeking. The chemical dopamine is in charge of monitoring our learning so that we can avoid painful situations and move towards more pleasurable ones.

Basically, Rewards are the things you want that make life worth living.

Therefore, if your brain is expecting to get a reward, your emotional state will correspondingly be happy and positive. However, if your brain doesn't expect a reward, you will likewise be filled with negative emotions: anger, stress, or even depression.

When what we want doesn't align with what we expect, we can react in one of two ways:

1. We can give up wanting what we want.. (tell ourselves that we didn't really want it anyway..)

2. We can change our expectations to match what we want so that we can start taking consistent action to get there.

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There are three actionable steps, or rather questions you can ask to hack your negative cycle and get your expectations aligned with your desires..

First, Ask

"How is what I'm expecting at the moment making me feel?"

If it is a positive emotion. Good job, you can stop here! However, if you are feeling any negative emotions that is a sign that you have a negative expectation about the situation and should move on to the next step..

Next Ask

"What would I like to happen instead?"

Most of the time, as in playing the lottery, what you want is NOT what you're expecting.. make yourself consciously aware of your wants so you can move towards your desired outcome..

Finally Ask

"What do I need to do to make what I want happen?"

When you have negative expectations your focus is only on how things can go wrong. However, once you have a plan for how things can go right, your assessment of the situation starts to change. You start to see possibility and the knock-on effect of consistent action begins to alter your expectations.

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When all hope fails.. you should ask yourself:

"Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?"

You need to dare to dream that your life can be better! Research shows that changing your expectations can significantly improve your life. When you're motivated by what you want, change is possible. You are not your past and you likewise not let your negative expectations of the future cause you to limit yourself.

You can choose to step out of the cycle of letting the past define you, and give yourself the opportunity to take action towards the future that you want to live!

~ Namaste ~