The importance Of Emotional Bound And Human Touch

'' Radiate boundless love towards the entire world above below and across unhindered without ill will without enmity'' -The Buddha

I always say that kindness and love are like a boomerang.
Throw as much as you can wherever you go, and in a way or another, it will come back to you.

The favorite example of mine that resumes best my train of thought is always the same: romantic relationships.
Can you imagine how many relationships would radiate better love if partners in conflicts would say to each other '' I know that we don’t agree on this one issue, but I understand that you’re as committed to your vision as I am to mine. Therefore, I respect you. ‘‘
(John Gottman – The relationship cure)
If we consciously let go of our natural tendency to be right, we can locate a new level of humanity in ourselves.

An important question to keep in perspective is the following one.
What matters more to me: the person with whom I share a portion of my life with, or my ego?

I believe that love is a feeling, and as any feeling does, its presence comes and goes.
However, the one phenomenal aspect about love, is that its refill is infinite.
Meaning that its power is limitless, there will always be an opportunity to make it grow over and over again.

The common ground that all beings share is the need for human connection.
And note that I wrote here '' beings'' as it applies to animals as much as it does to human beings.

And so our need for connecting to others is as crucial as our need for food and air.
In fact, when a baby is first born, he only can survive through his mother’s milk and his parents’ touching, holding and cuddling. He needs to feel safe and protected.

Interesting (and so cute) fact that I found while reading Sonja Lyobomirsky’s book called The Myths of Happiness:
'' Amazingly, even spider lings (baby spiders) are more likely to explore a novel environment if their mom spider has touched them relatively more. By contrast, both human and animal infants who are deprived of touch show fearfulness, mistrust and a revoltance to explore. ''
Studies have also been done on chimpanzees and demonstrated that some newborns who received water, food, but no form of touch and affection ended up dying.
It really is the difference between life and death. Other studies have also illustrated that some animals, when they are given the choice between choosing food and water or having physical contact, will choose the latter.

We are social animals and we rely on touch way more than we know.

A very impressive finding by a psychologist expressed in John Gottman’s book - The relationship cure, confirms this conclusion:
'' Field’s previous work showed that having a depressed mother can potentially harm the way a baby’s brain learns to process feelings. The study further revealed that the mother’s touch had a lasting positive effect on the baby and might even compensate for the negative effects of being cared for by a depressed mom. ''

It is funny because I have always been a sucker for touching others.
I love to gently pat someone else’s shoulder. (My friends would always bug me about it)
But hey, you’d be surprised to know what it does 😉
When you hug someone for instance, it releases oxytocin in your brain, aka the love and attachment hormone.
There are so many natural ways to increase our oxytocin levels.
And touch is one of the strongest forms of input to release our happy chemicals in ourselves and in others.

Having rich human connections with other beings has been proven to increase one’s life, as they bring us meaning and fulfillment.
I mean, none of us can go through life alone.
It is an incredibly comforting feeling to know that you will not face life’s inevitable hardships on your own.
Also, when we transfer our positive energy to others, they get to experience it as well.
Once again, I will quote John Gottman’s fascinating words on the importance of emotional bounds:
'' The importance of strong, healthy emotional bonds between parent and child can’t be overstated because these bonds serve as the foundation upon which all other life relationships are built. If a child doesn’t learn how to connect emotionally with a parent (or with another caregiver who serves as a parent), that child will probably encounter difficulty in connecting to people in all sorts of relationship for the rest of his life. ''

I now invite you to take action and offer a loving gesture to someone you appreciate today.
Nothing feels as great as a little flow of oxytocin, right?
💉
💖