Somewhere in between sadness and madness
''May you be a ray of hope in someone's life every day of your life.''
January 10th 2018.
I get outside the city bus and walk back home.
I start to cry uncontrollably again. Each day since the month of december 2017, it happens.
Whether I'm in the shower, at the pool, in the bus, or while eating, I drown myself in a pool of tears.
I walk fast to get home, and I wave a gentle hello to my neighbor as I see her.
Little did she know, the demons in my head were screaming suicide.
And I did not want to stop them this time.
Sometimes, it hits me.
That this was my reality almost 9 months ago.
Ever since, I've been working my hardest to never allow my mind to be my enemy.
In fact, I was lucky enough that it became my best friend.
Hopefully, this calmness of the mind can last for life.💕
I feel like I've lived lifetimes within my lifetime.
It feels like just yesterday I was going through unimaginable times that have flooded my world with darkness.
Life suspends you in limbo, and the only thing you can try doing is searching for light through chaos.
You see the pieces that used to be your life falling apart, and while you're on the floor praying to some god that this isn't real, you still have to force yourself to pick up these broken pieces.
You wish, badly enough, that this was only a nightmare.
But as you pinch yourself, you realize that this is real.
As real as it can get.
Navigating through pain is very difficult, but also very necessary.
Some of the hardest trials I've faced have led the path to the most beautiful horizons.
Maybe pain is, after all, a path to more pleasure.
Through it all, I am beyond grateful to have met such kind souls on this magical life journey.
The kind of souls that instantly make the world a better place, just by being in it.
Some people are so inspiring in all that they are.
And many of you guys have lifted me up and melted my heart without knowing.💓
This space I have been sharing on here has allowed my heart to express freely more than I ever thought it could.
There's nothing quite like it.💜
All that hurt made you who you are.
Stand strong.
Hold on to faith.
Love you all xoxo
Eat more and get some fatness going on! ;) lol
I kind of like this madness song.
the fatness part killed me 😂 😂
I'm getting there!
Omg such a good song! Love Muse! Thanks for the reminder, I'll put that one on my ipod !! 💓 💓
You ate a couple fries? ;) lol
I'm not really sure the best strategy for gaining weight because I probably eat like double or triple the food you do and I'm still skinny. I think eating breakfast and drinking a lot of water helps me stay skinny but I have to have breakfast because I just can't do anorexia ever. lol
On a sadder not my account might get destroyed. :(
Wow you are very lucky:)!
You must have good genes and a fast metabolism:)! Eating breakfast and drinking water is key!🤩
My stomach dropped when I read the last line! Why is that???😳😥 I would be very sad if it did happen... let me know xoxo 💜🙏🏻
Thank goodness my chicken tenders/nuggets were ready when I read your post talking about food. I about ran to my kitchen. lol
I made a post about it earlier today.
awwww omg! chicken tenders are the best!😍
I read it and it made me so sad:(
When will you know? I really hope it will not happen....
What will you do if it does?
Yeah I think I will be OK but it sucks getting threatened with account slaughter and not really being able to defend yourself.
If I'm still good tomorrow then I think I am OK but the threat is always present.
If it happens I will do some "things" and execute some "strategies". lol My account still could very well still be DOA though. A big bot attacking my account would be complete destruction. Even a small bot could take me out I think.
I thought 25% would be more than 3 cents. Whoops. lol Guess I better do 50% next time.