Is Kindness A Threat To The Painful Reenactment Of Your Childhood Story?
“Most of us have an inner parent that doesn’t take care of the inner child’s needs properly. They are more focused on the needs of the ego, such as pleasing other people in order to feel needed, or achieving success and getting recognition from others. This makes the inner parent happy for a short period of time, but it doesn’t last. There is always a feeling of not being fulfilled, no matter how much you achieve, because the inner child’s needs are not being met.”
― Yong Kang Chan, Parent Yourself Again: Love Yourself the Way You Have Always Wanted to Be Loved
Many of our unconscious roadmaps that guide us through life are rooted in our childhood story. If we never bring them to our conscious awareness to assess of their validity or their lack thereof, they ought to perhaps intensify. On the surface, we may think that the life we are living is a result of our own judgment, choices and actions. Yet if we dig a little deeper, we ought to find that we’re merely playing on repeat our embedded childhood mechanisms.
At a time where we were deeply fragile and reliant little beings on the ones taking care of us (or supposed to) , the child in us was faced with no choice but to try its best to make sense of his own inner world. Yet the way by which we shape our internal reality has a lot to do with the environment inside which we float in.
As children, we don’t have the capacity to understand the why behind what happens to us.** We take all the weight of what happens in our chaotic household on our own tiny shoulders**. We don’t have the freedom to choose the events that happen to us. The only freedom that we have is to choose our response to these things. We don’t have the luxury that adults have to escape from what hurts us.
Consequently, to the best of our ability, we create these narratives in our minds of how the external world works. If left unchecked, in adulthood, these narratives that stem from our personal upbringing become deeply ingrained patterns that orient our behaviors and our lives, mostly unconsciously.
As a result of this, we are drawn the most to people who activate our childhood playlists. And what do you do with playlists? You repeat them, over and over again. Our adult life then just becomes a playground for the wounded child in us to respond again to all the hurt he’s endured.
Instead of un-doing the damage – we welcome it with open arms. How could you turn down familiarity? How could you say no to someone who brings to life every wounded inch of your being? The truth is that if you don’t consciously choose to heal this part of your life story – you will likely relive some of the very painful things that have happened to younger You.
By unconsciously wanting to preserve our unhealthy and damaging childhood schemas at all cost, we turn down all possibility of creating perhaps a healthier and more loving future for our adult selves. For some, kindness may be a threat because cruelty is all they’ve ever known. Others may have internalized the belief that everyone will always abandon them in life.
Consequently, they may put themselves in situations or fall in love with people who will end up making their worst dreaded fear come to life. When you aren’t aware of the trap that you make yourself fall into time and again, you don’t give to yourself the chance of choosing differently.
If you were made to believe as a child that you were inadequate and a waste of living space – it is only normal that as an adult, you seek more of that familiar, while terribly painful feeling. Your broken inner child clings to everything that reminds him of the smell of his childhood.
He’ll go to extreme lengths just so he can confirm to himself that he was right for thinking so. That the world is indeed a terrible place. That people will abandon him no matter what. That he is inadequate and defective. That people will always abuse and betray him. Yet it does not have to be this way forever.
The only thing that stands in your way isn’t what has happened to you. It is your pulling away from choosing a different ending. It is your not saying Yes to the healing journey.
Did you have a rough childhood?
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That means so much to me! Thanks so much Ché!!
Pleasure, hope it helps their are plenty of new curation groups looking for content to support! Also if you reference the sources of the images you use in your posts more curation groups will be keen to support you
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That means so much to me. Thanks so much for being my guardian angel
You bring up some interesting topics. We are, I don't want to say self-destructive, but we drag the crap accumulated through life like a giant anchor behind us. For the most part, I think we are completely unaware of the monster that is eating us from the inside out because it has been there so long that it has in many ways become a piece of us. It becomes a lie Ouroboros, the snake that eats itself. Our issues and brokenness cycle themselves. For instance, my big one is rejection. Now I have some understanding that rejection is a problem for me, but subconsciously is still do stuff to exacerbate the underlying issue. I know that I shouldn't care or be scared of rejection, but I am still weak to it. Rejection causes me to fold in on myself, which causes a feeling of loneliness, which separates me from the world, which makes me feel rejected. And the cycle continues. This cycle has continued so long, that I can't find the genesis of the issue. I don't know where the root of this begins.
So, can we fix the broken inner child? I don't know, I am not a psychologist, I only play one on Steemit. I am not certain we can ever "fix" the inner child, the wounds might heal, but the scars still will remain. I really think, the best we can do is understand and work to make small changes in the trajectory of our lives. These are terrible and powerful habits and learned behaviors that have taken hold and require powerful tools to just chip away at.
“The wounds might heal, but the scars still will remain” wow I love that you said this one! I used to say it often back in the day;) “the snake that eats itself” where do you get these epic analogies from? I live for it!:P
I think it is safe to say that we’re self-destructive;) but you are absolutely right. Such unhealthy habits are very hard to break and it takes more than just good will to eradicate the f*** out of them;)
I wonder if we can eradicate them. They become part of our machinery that drives us. Like gears that make us run all wonky. We can build other gears to correct the operation, but the wonky gears remain.
"While It May Be A difficult Process At Times - Healing Your Heart Will Never Fail You."
Easier said than done, wouldn't you say? How does one even know where/how to start?
Absolutely easier said than done.
I’d be tempted to say that therapy is an excellent starting point. ^^
Are you offering to be my therapist?
Wow! That would be an honour!
Can you still take me in spite of my lack of P.h.D?:p
Well, I don't have a Ph.D. either. But I have read Dr. Grof's book The Holotropic Mind. I guess if you read that, and you were to incorporate some beer therapy (as my other commentators seem to advise) into the process (Dr. Grof, as head of psychiatry at a major research hospital, was able to get a 100% cure rate for alcoholism by using psychedelics - until he was stopped by government regulation) - then I would support your receiving an honorary doctorate.
Omg you kill me 😂😂👌 beer therapy haha love that one:P
I need this book 😍😍
Who needs a PhD when they are the one and only @onceuponatime ?;)
Beer therapy could start with my hair - and work inwards from there :-)
ouh!!! I'm curious now. Why the hair first?;)
This might help. ;)
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Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder (and beer too!).
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Perhaps you are right!
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Fear no beer!
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