Thank You, I can definitely relate.
Your words remind me of a time when in a strange and unknown city, where I was broke and hungry, I had humbly asked many on the streets for a cigarette or to spare some change.... those in suits and fancy clothes gave nothing but dirty looks and harsh words, while those whom appeared at least as "down and out" as I was at that point offered a cigarette, coins, and one even both while advising me where the closest shelter was (so I could get a hot meal and even rest if needed).
In a world growing in chaos and selfish deeds, does not an act of kindness itself become rebellion - a form of chaos?
Sometimes we can throw all our chips into the "game" and gain nothing,
other times staking nothing and gain all; often found somewhere between.
And yet when it's over, it's still just a "game"; we all go back into the same box in the end.
I sincerely hope you find what you seek here (on steemit), in Life, and anything after our own individual "game" is reset.