**  # LORDING IN-LAWS**

In this sub-Saharan country of ours, we are unique in variety of ways . our multifaceted cultures makes us very interesting to learn about. In the aspect of marriage, different cultures, ethnic groups in the country have their own proceedings. However,what is the most common among marry is ''lording'' role in-laws play in many marriages.
Prior to this modern age or post modern age, my father use to tell me marriage was not an extravagant affair as seen today, and if i'm not mistaken, the doing for a bride was a token of N65 naira only paid to the parents of the bride. But sadly this days parents / in-laws make a lot of money in giving out their daughter marriage.

A certain village in the south-Eastern part of Nigeria is locally known for their long and expensive marriage list. This has kept many wondering if the are infact selling out their daughter. Granted, no amount of money paid of money paid as bride price is equivalent to the money used to raise the child, but at the same time this is not the time to extort from the young man intending marriage.

This same village is blessed with beautiful girls and ladies which are infact growing old by the day without husbands. For those that have successfully married they can tell you they actually moved mountain before they could accomplish such feat. This days of fuel scarcity i've seen fuel of about 50 liters included in a marriage list, sounds funny but its true.
This altitude of imposing so much on suitors who first of all have taken that bold step to come forth is very debasing. this has lead to many broken home and problems in many families.

Recently a mother went to visits her daughter, traveled a very long distance only to fine a good Samaritan's house first to lay her head for the night due to the husband of her daughter having thrown her out of the house. i grew pity for the woman, then on inquiring to why she was treated that way, i learnt the family got a mammoth bride price from the man. Since that day the got married to their daughter every in-law relationship stopped.

That incident lead to seroius problem in the family, the wife got so pissed how could her mum be thrown out just like that. Meanwhile the husband has vowed not to allow anyone from his wife family ever come near his gate let alone sleep over in his house. After all the sold the girl to him. if the had intended occasionally visiting the couple, they couldnt have extorted from the young man. Now the air in the house is so tense that a divorse is muted; Once a happy couple now leavinng as cat and dog at home after their wedding.

Now that is Mr. Patrick's reaction to the unusual bride price he paid for his wife.
How how about Mr Ekanem's response to being extorted, in his case Mr Ekanem acted way normal, a way concerned in-law and caring one before and continued same after the wedding, little did we know he had a plan of his own. In the just past raining season he opted to help the in-law renovate their old building. Everyone was so pleased and on the other hand his family members (siblings, parent and relatives) who witnessed how much he spent in his marriage to his wife, were to annoyed leaving them to ponder why would he go ahead to help them that much even after what they did to him. Meanwhile Mr. Ekanem ignored all criticism and went further to his work.

The renovation started from pulling down the entire roof in order to replace them with new. As at the time i'm writing this post

believe me Mr Ekanem has not return with a single zinc. To rub salt in the wound it actually rained in the following three days after the roof was brought down, you imagine the scenario. The in-laws had to raise money to pay carpenters to put back the old zinc.
That was very harsh on Mr Ekanem's side many word conclude, but he had his reasons. Just picture the ensuring problems between him and his wife after that event.

Conclusively, parent should help their daughters get married, many suitors gone forever after getting list from he would be in-laws. Giving your daughters hand in marriage is not losing her to some stranger, rather it should be seen as you're expanding your family and yet another son added to you in the person of your son in-law. Remember she is and would continue to be your daughter and will always take care of you as a parents and that can only be possible when you have created that enabling environment between you and your in-laws. And for our in-laws that have punish their in-laws in one way or the other, lets not forget that everything is advantageous but not all is worth doing.

Paying evil back to evil can only fuel the fire of hate and problems. Lets put a fiery coal on the head of those who treat us unfairly by always working good to men of all sort.

On the other hands how about the mother/fathers that live with their children of in-laws house, what are the challenges, is this ideal for happy family life? we'll discuss that next.