Forgiveness - How To Do It Right

Forgiveness is a complex thing.

People do mistakes all the time. Sometimes they hurt us.
Then we either move on, or we want to forgive and give a second chance - but how?

Forgiveness can be done in a wrong or in a right way. It's not easy, and many people struggle with it - even if they want to forgive, but somehow can't !

There is a difference between half-hearted forgiving, and true forgiving.

True Forgiveness actually means that you let go AND that you forget - that you move on, and never look back at the past again.

Most people think that forgiving is just about letting go, but they don't choose to close this chapter in their lives and never go back.

Now don't get me wrong : I'm not saying you should forget whenever someone's hurt you, and let them do it again and use you. Of course you are not supposed to forgive everyone, and some actions cannot be forgiven (depending on your personal boundaries.) For example, if you are experiencing physical/mental abuse, you have to decide for yourself if you are ever willing to forgive that person. I can't make that decision for you.

But all I'm saying is that if you really want to forgive someone successfully, you have to delete their mistake from your memory, and you have to make a pact with yourself to never re-live that moment and remember.

This is true forgiveness. You are moving on, and don't look back on your past.

Now on the other hand when you forgive half-heartedly, it often happens that you feel like a noble person for forgiving someone else, and then it's like keeping a score of how many "forgiveness-points" you and your partner get. And whenever the partner does something wrong, you hold this against them, implying: "Remember that I forgave you this and that? I'm a much better person than you".
This way, you are just creating more negative energy and tension, and you are putting yourself in a superior position, uncalled-for.

And this will stick to your relationship as an underlaying factor, and it slowly builds up more and more, until the glass is full.

People assume that forgiving is a pact, something you decide between you and the other person.

But that's not true.

Forgiving is a contract between you and YOURSELF.

You have to MAKE that decision to let go and never look back. You have to promise that to yourself.
You actively CHOOSE to let go of this event, to close this book and begin writing a new one.

This is very important, because if you act like you forgave someone but deep down you are still holding a grudge and are still mad about their mistakes, you won't be able to cover it up anymore at some point.
You will explode, and make things much worse than before.

Another important thing to mention is that it's easier to forgive if you are busy and moving forward in your own life.
When you have so many goals and things going on in your own life, you automatically don't hold a grudge because these things don't seem that important to you. You are so busy that you forget things like this sooner.

On the other hand, when you are depressed / not moving on in life, and your mind is not busy and has nothing else to think about, you will keep going back to these painful moments and keep re-living them, and you will keep being angry at the other person and not being able to forgive them.

This kind of bitterness can make you physically sick. It weakens your immune system and makes you feel mentally and physically unwell.

So don't let that get to you!

Finish off that chapter of your life correctly and move forward.

So here are three tips for forgiving someone:

• LET IT OUT!
  Find some way to express your negative and hurt emotions. This could be through sports, screaming, yelling at a picture of that person, or whatever helps you cope with the situation!
  But it's important that you let all those negative feelings out first, before making a clean cut and forgiving.
  
• CHOOSE TO LET GO!
  You have to make a conscious decision to let go of this matter now.
  Maybe you want to write a letter to that person, and then burn it. Or you might want to talk to a picture of that person and voice your decision of letting go verbally. Or you create a Mantra for yourself, like "I am done with this. I want to move on."
  Whatever works for you - choose a way to actively finish with this story and let it go!
  
• TAKE A STEP BACK!
  Take a deep breath, and look at the situation from a different perspective. Try to be empathic and understand the other person's view.
  If you can understand why they acted a certain way, it's much easier to forgive.

Life is too short to hold a grudge.
Forgive, Forget, Move On, and enjoy life instead!

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