In my life, when I notice I am angry, discontent, or depressed . . it is an absolute certainty that fear is involved. The ability to accurately describe and identify those fears, while at the same time figuring out where they come from, has been monumental to me in my recovery process. Throughout my life, I've found that there is one behavior above all that is directly caused by fear.

Source

Self-Centeredness

A few months ago, I had the privilege and the opportunity to speak to a group of people about my life.  I remember being shaken up in the days preceding the talk.  It got much worse a few hours before I was set to speak.  I was nervous, shifty, and unsure of myself.  But why was a feeling that way?  

After some thinking, I came to the conclusion that I was afraid  I wouldn't do a good job.  I was afraid  that my words wouldn't come out right.  I was afraid  that they wouldn't like what I had to say.  The common denominator in all of those things was me.  How would I be perceived?  I entirely forgot my purpose for being there in the first place:  to encourage, support, and spread the hope that people do recover.  

In that minute, I realized that my fears stemmed from my own self-centeredness.  I wasn't speaking so people could think favorably of me. . . . I was speaking for the audience.  

The problem (fear) set in motion the behavior of only thinking about myself.  That isn't the only time this has happened.

Source - The Dalai Lama is SO right

A Relationship Story

I'm dating the most beautiful and magnificent girl I have ever met.  (She might kill me when she reads this lol)  She has an awesome 8 month old son.  We've been dating the whole time he has been alive.  Naturally, the baby is starting to look at me as the dominating male force in his life.  The biological father doesn't want anything to do with him.  Crazy, but true.  

My girlfriend asked me directly the other night what he (the baby) is to me,  I know what she was looking for.  The truth is, he's a great kid.  And I see myself being in his life for a long time. But . .  I told my girlfriend "I didn't know yet."  Why?  Because I was afraid of what that meant.  I was afraid that I wouldn't do a good enough job.  I was afraid  what others would say about me.  I was afraid  that I would fall short in certain areas.  

She has told me over and over again how awesome I am with the baby.  I know I'm doing a good job.  But . . the fear caused me to side-step her feelings, and not commit to any type of answer.  Just an "I don't know."  I was only thinking about myself in that situation.  It wasn't right to her, and it wasn't right to her son. 

I am going to explain to her why I said what I did, and I apologize for my behavior.

This type of fear has the ability to plague relationships, careers, and lives.  

Source - I just liked this image on Pixabay :)

Gratitude Steps in

Today, I'm grateful that I can recognize these fears, analyze them, and do the best that I can to set them straight before they overpower my life. Having a solid support system is vitally important.  A small group of people to share problems with, and come to conclusions together.  Insight is a skill that develops over time.  It isn't an overnight matter.  For me, it is a lifelong one.  Of constant reflection, of prayer and meditation, of sharing, and of realizing that it's ok to not be perfect.

Do any of you have these types of fears?  Do fears have a tendency to crop up at certain times or with specific life events?  Should I continue to do these types of write-ups?  Drop me a comment and let me know what you think.