Please Help Me Create a Self-Care Retreat--I Need Your Ideas!
I have been promising myself a just me writing weekend for AGES. It's almost become a joke, the number of times I think I'm getting my act together to retreat and then plans don't coalesce. This coming week, though, I am home alone with my three kids. If you've been reading awhile, you know this means I will be overwhelmed, exhausted, irritable and struggling not to spiral into depression. Three kids? It's too much for me. My brain isn't wired for it, and I'm okay with knowing that about myself.
This means I have to be proactive. I must require myself to create at least an evening retreat, and preferably a full day off next weekend. "Off" meaning away from my house with no phone. Somewhere I can write or read. Somewhere I am not required to parent or plan in any capacity. I need to slow down. Turn off. Quiet.
Look! It's my babies in a tree!
While this next leg of Winter break should be easier (two of my kids now have computers in their rooms set up with parental supervision software so they can game all day if I wake up with no spoons), I am still afraid. My youngest is by far my most challenging right now. And she insists on being with me constantly. Give Mama a break! Fortunately, she is irresistibly adorable. Cuteness is what keeps kids alive. Not because we want to kill them, but because it evokes empathy and protectiveness, meaning we will feed those big-eyes sweeties before ourselves. Darn those pinchable cheeks!
I do feed the kids before myself. In fact, I'm really hungry right now. This is indicative of how much I need to make and take my retreat.
Caring for ourselves first allows us to care for those around us better. This is the rationale behind the medication I take. This is why I exercise. This is why I don't consume foods to which I'm allergic. So why is it so hard to take me time? Why does it feel selfish?
Throw your theories at me in comments. Suggestions as well.
image by @jealousyjane
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Oh boy, do I ever feel this!
I think it feels selfish (even though it's often the best thing you can do for everyone) to take time for yourself is because there's this very subtle notion that even if you don't have money you can always give of your time.
But that's not at all true - time is a finite resource and you need some for yourself.
It helps to think of time (and energy!) as finite. I’m going to sit with this idea. I suspect it will aide me in giving myself that elusive permission.
You have very beautiful children! It's beautiful three kids! But about myself, too, should not forget. Find time for yourself. I understand that it is very difficult.
Thank you! It is hard to remember I need love/a break/food too!
My idea of relaxing would be somewhere in an isolated forest with only the birds chirping and the wind blowing the trees to keep my company whilst I write out my thoughts. My feet up as I relax by the wood burner and sip non-alcoholic wine whilst thrashing out my most recent ideas. I'd assume there would be plenty of things like that where you are?
My first idea would be on a stretcher on an isolated beach but anywhere that has apartments and a good beach is going to be crowded, so I canned that one.
I could do a hotel room one-day getaway like @shapeshifter43 did! She stayed local and not even overnight. But I think I need more than 24 hours. I have three books waiting for the space to be realized. If I had five days I could hammer out at least one full draft.
kids somehow take our right away of selfishness. yet the need for that selfishness is real. not having time...just means you are a legit mom. but finding the space to give your self space is essential. fuck if i can advise how to get it though. an elaborate distraction given as a mission to the kids perhaps. 'ill be in my room for the next 4 hours... do not knock unless you have together orchestrated a Mom themed scavenger hunt.'
That is a brilliant idea! I have taught one to use the stove, one to make sandwiches and one to close the fridge after she’s opened it. Between them, there’s a chance for survival on their own for a few hours. My only concern is how quickly they tend toward Lord of the Flies...
My suggestion is that you practice some relaxation activities in the company of your children, so you teach them and take the time for tranquility, and at some point it is also good that you reinforce your achievements, even if you can not leave it alone but watching a movie that Like it, eating something you want will not be bad.
I think it isnt selfish at all. In fact I think taking time to recuperate takes away the toll on the your family when you are feeling so overwhelmed from all the stress.
It's actually quite therapeutic to be alone sometime. In fact, I even made a ppst aboit it not so long ago. Yoy need to value time with yourself just as much as you balance time with your family
You have a great family. Good luck raising them i hope you gain inspiration in what you do!
Ooh can you link that post? I’d love to read it.