Autism and Sensory Overload: What Is It Like for You?

Dear Fellow Autists,

I wonder if this is true for you. Sometimes I have what I describe as "super autistic" periods. They occur when life is extra busy so I'm prone to sensory overload even more than usual. Everything feels loud. My body always hurts. I want to cover my ears and shout for the world to go away.

Note: This is a re-post of a Steemit original that went largely unseen. I am currently having a very relaxing weekend of sitting around in pjs and bathrobe drinking coffee and reading Steemit. I'm sharing this post again for a chance at greater connection here.

But I have learned to adapt to the uncomfortable rhythms of society. With various tools, I can "pass" for typical. One such tool is my closet. I spent a lot of time there this weekend rocking, humming and holding my ears. It was a relief, and it was also frustrating because it was absolutely necessary. I couldn't write or talk or go function typically without getting all the stims out.

It all started when I realized I had, once again, not had the conversation with my partner I thought I did out loud. Meaning, I'd had a convo with him in my head and assumed him to have all the information and be in full agreement. The request I didn't make of him was to bake with our daughter. So when I was helping him get ready to bake with her and he had no idea what was going on, it inspired a meltdown.

The meltdown was me beginning to stim and feeling anxious because I'd messed it up again. When I was a kid and this stuff happened, people were not kind. My partner, though, he gets it. He doesn't mind baking, so he and my daughter got to work while I took my anxiety meds and headed to my closet for the first time that day. Later, we touched base and he reassured me that it was inconvenient but okay. We talked about how this is happening quite often, and I thought about ways to make sure I am actually saying my thoughts out loud, not just broadcasting them telepathically.

Later, I took my other daughter to a birthday party. I had to stay to keep her comfortable. The noise and movement were intensely overwhelming for me. I brought myself distractions, but there were parents to meet who wanted to chat about the Daisy Scout troop I'm leading (another source of sensory eek), and I wanted to get to know them and their girls more before our first session today.

I ended up squatting in a corner with my ears covered for a minute or two. I focused on my breathing and tried to reset. It helped, but I was still struggling and was VERY ready to leave when the time came.

I try not to focus too much on how weird I look when I need to stim in public. My kids are okay with it. They know what's happening and they help me out. Most of the adults around me were teachers who have worked with my autistic son, so they were unconcerned. But there were strangers I was meeting for the first time. Stimming in public is like taking off clothes: I felt exposed.

Today I'm feeling better. Less keyed up despite the impending Daisy meeting I'm supposed to lead. After I post this, I'm going to wrap my head around the meeting details so I can go in with a very clear idea of the process of meeting leading. First, though, I may get my dog to sit on my lap while I take a 20 minute snooze. Or maybe I'll head to my closet.

How do you decompress?

image from pixabay.com