4 Pro Tips for Getting Rid of Your Kids' Stuff without Them Realizing You Are the Worst

The last week has been a whirlwind of home reorganization and renovation. In fact, the last three weeks have been booked solid with painting, ripping out carpet, cleaning floors, rearranging bedrooms to accommodate Christmas gifts and, today, I spent the day sorting toys.

I love a good dig-in task. I do not love sorting toys. This job was multi-tiered.

• Separate toys to remain downstairs based on type.

I had bins for this. Eight bins, and they are all full. Lincoln Logs, Legos, building blocks, marble tracks, magnets and more. Toys to live in the game room my husband and I are slowly but surely assembling. (If you are curious, his part in this task has been acquiring and assembling Ikea furniture, swapping out light fixtures, and dropping no longer needed furnishings at our local Restore.)

• Separate trash from remaining toys.

This is still in-process. More often than not, I have a piece of a toy that is intact but it's counterpart was broken and tossed long ago. It's a slow, frustrating process laden with stale Cheerios.

• Separate remaining toys by child.

Pro tip 1: Don't let your youngest help with this task. If she's like mine, she'll claim every toy she likes is hers even when it has someone else's name written on it. Then she will claim she wrote the name, create a backstory as to why and deliver it all straight-faced while backing her way up the stairs with said toy to her room where she will hide it in her closet for months. No doubt her siblings will spontaneously remember the toys because she will remind them and tease them and say, "Na na na na na! You can't find them!" The whole lot will turn on you. If you do this, you're the worst.

• Deliver the toys to their appropriate rooms.

Pro-tip 2: Don't accidentally give your eldest's toys to your youngest no matter how many years he hasn't touched them. It will break his heart and he will tell you the toys are ruined forever because you've made it clear to him they are meant for babies. Then he will stomp his feet in a huff away and possibly cry. If you do this, you're the worst.

• Help the kids sort the toys in their rooms.

Otherwise they will live in a box forever, or until you unwisely decide to toss the whole bin. Pro-tip 3: Don't do this. Your children will immediately know what you've done, bawl and scream inconsolably and probably regress back to sleeping in your bed making it impossible for sexy times all because you are the worst.

• Donate unwanted toys.

Pro-tip 4: Don't let your youngest get a look at what her older siblings no longer want. Cover it up, get it out and get it out fast. If she sees what is being discarded, she will decide she both wants and needs it and that it was hers before it was theirs and that if you do this thing--if you get rid of those objects she will only play with for exactly three minutes and then never again--you will truly be the worst. But if you donate without the kid seeing, you will redeem yourself from worst to simply meh.

How am I doing on this, you ask? Well, I'm not quite done. I need another day, and I'm definitely the worst.

Good luck, parents! I hope you make it to next year.

images from pixabay.com