Watched a movie today, and reminded me of a book, that reminded me of a friend, that reminded me of a time and a place and a series of unending ongoing events that all most likely played many of the defining factors in creating in me the drives that have created in me the man I am now.
We hid. In storage units in cells in ourselves in plain sight in parens’ basements drinking shoplifted screwdrivers smoking shitty weed playing horse checkers and learning about internets and talking of mind and souls and lucidity while hating and loving and hiding and screaming in silence.
We met in dark grocery stores and well lit caves and apartments of oddities and IQ tests and in visions of grandeur surrounded by Christ and a guitar solo that was always just out of reach we swam to death and then floated back and discovered ourselves while clinging to discover each other and reaching back with empty hands to find only that we had been scratching the itching feeling we never found.
We did ecstasy on rooftops and laughed of our own jokes that we never really understood and talked about girls we’d never really understand and laughed and laughed and woke up and felt the weeks that we’d never really missed but never really found.
We watched as trees in parks dance to the moonlight in the middle of the day and wept in cars in heat in spring in case someone anyone no one was out there hiding in the bushes of the lawns we never wanted to mow. We reset computers and ourselves and basement dwellings and jobs and addresses and moved and moved and moved and never found home. We vomited demons to make room formore while screaming to listen to sex through thin walls and floors andceilings and opium haze conversations of good weed and bad ideas and the smellof the future in the air of the fresh rains.
We met girls and met friends and met each other time and time and time and time again always remembering each other time and never expecting the next time and waiting for the last time that never really came and never really left.