Realities and Fears of Fatherhood

Change is a natural part of life. Parenthood offers a unique perspective on how changes in life directly affect someone you care about.

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Fake Captain's Log: July 2017

I've seen the vlogs of fathers getting teary-eyed and emotional when hearing their wife was pregnant. I'm just not that type of person. Happy? Absolutely. Overjoyed? You bet. I tried for so long with my wife to have a child that, once it came, there were no tears. We only had potential happiness and certain fear before us.

The fear of fatherhood came from the unknown. We can read all the baby books and have knowledge of what experts have learned in our past. We can take all the baby classes we need to practice those essential techniques we need once the baby comes. I feel most of those get thrown out of the window once the baby comes, but this particular bit is a story for another time.

Regardless, you want to put yourself in the best position as possible. I can't complete all my perceived tasks before I sleep for the night. We need an efficient plan to manage the most with the least amount of time. I like to think I have enough time, but in reality, that might not be the case.

Dealing with fears of fatherhood

We all have our doubts regardless of whether we've been surrounded by positive role models all our lives. We fear new jobs and meeting new people. The difference here is that you can multiply that feeling of fear several-fold. We remember, in degrees, our youth and how our caregivers needed to deal with us.

Will it be the same way with our child? Will we err in the form of our caregivers while we try not to repeat the mistakes of our parents? I want to be a great father. I know it's essential to confront these fears. For Heaven's sake, it seems so easy to face my fears while I write this blog.

Before kids, my partner and I had freedoms that were suddenly jeopardized by the thought of having kids:

1. Keeping the same life
2. Recreation
3. Socialization and Friends
4. Financial Freedom
5. Adequate financial freedom

Am I competent to have a child? Do I have the capacity to love the child, as well as, my wife once the child comes? Am I intelligent enough to teach the child and be a good role model?

Fake Captain's Log: December 2019

These thoughts and questions were overwhelming. At first glance, my responses were all negative. In retrospect, I feel it was a natural position. I felt that my answer was my mind's way of protecting itself from losing the stability found in a single-relationship or no-partner kind of person.

Image by White77 from Pixabay

My wife and I were lucky. Christ, I felt like these last two-plus years were a rollercoaster. We hated and loved each other. We waited years trying to have kids. And now? We have two beautiful boys. Our trials and tribulations now continue as we try to raise good sons that can survive and thrive in this world.

Image by Alex Hu from Pixabay

Achieving any goal in life requires some sort of sacrifice. Getting a promotion at work may involve sacrificing a great deal of effort and time. You might not be home for long periods while you become an expert at your craft. It's nothing out of the ordinary. You must give up something to achieve or receive something.

If you are unwilling to sacrifice, then you will never rise above the life you wish to change. If you do nothing, then you change nothing.

In the case of fatherhood, it seems that you will sacrifice more than you are initially willing to be a successful dad. However, such a sacrifice might not need to sound so extreme. I love my children. While the sacrifices I now make for them looks like a lot, I know that it will benefit them in the long run. Despite this outlook, I'll still have my fears.

Some people say that your fears shouldn't have merit. I say that I need my fears. I don't want them to go away because, if they do, perhaps I wouldn't have the drive to overcome them in the long rung. My fears are my own, and I need them to keep me pushing forward. It's ok to be afraid; just don't let it control you. If you can't overcome them on your own, seek help. Start with your partner and move outward as needed to get as much up-to-date information as possible. No man is an island.