Pink Floyd's The Wall is an album - as well as a musical - that had a profound effect on me as a young kid. It remains one of my favourite albums of all time, and it still elicits reactions out of me that are rarely drawn out of me by music. Another artist that does this to me is Marilyn Manson.

I rarely listen to the album, or watch the movie, due to it being an extremely heavy experience, but I recently watched the musical for the first time in what I think was seven years. This was admittedly the first I watched The Wall without being under the influence of drugs or alcohol, so it was a fresh experience in a way. I've been completely sober for five years now anyway.

I've been purposefully avoiding experiencing The Wall since the death of my girlfriend in 2012, since I know how intense of an experience The Wall can be. I have listened to a few individual songs here and there, but I'm talking about the entire album, as a whole. It was a great, yet heartbreaking and depressing, experience. As always.

Since I'm on Steemit, I thought why not write a review/analysis of it.

The Concept

The Wall is an album by Pink Floyd, released in the late 70s. It was later on turned into a musical of sorts, an extended music video. This was due to the fact that the Wall is a concept album, which means that instead of featuring individual songs, the 26 tracks on the album actually tell a story.

The Wall's story is that of a man called Pink, whose story is told from childhood into his adult years.

Pink loses his father in World War 2, grows up in the clutches of an overprotective mother, struggles through school, bullied by tyrannical and fascistic teachers, and becomes a rock'n'roll musician.

The life of a rock'n'roll star doesn't fulfill Pink as he thought it would, however, as the burden of his traumatic childhood remains heavy well into his adulthood. The way Pink deals with the difficulties in his life is not by facing them head on, but rather withdrawing behind what he calls "the Wall". Starting from early childhood, every negative experience, disappointment and bad relationship in Pink's life is "Another Brick in the Wall" - as the title of the hit single says - and the Wall continues to be under construction, until Pink is fully locked away behind it.

What the Wall means is Pink's growing disconnect with the outside world.

Pink grows up without a father, with a mother who, after losing her husband, clings on too hard to her son, which leads to Pink never getting to deal with the necessary negative parts of life that we all have to learn to deal with. This results in Pink never being mature enough to handle his problems like an adult, but will rather just shut out everything he finds unpleasant.

The story is told in two parts, with the first part telling the story of Pink building the Wall, which gets finished at the end of part one, after Pink manhandles a groupie he sleeps with to deal with the pain of his cheating spouse being the Final Brick on the Wall, so to speak, and part two tells the story of Pink living behind the Wall.

What's exciting about the story, to me, is the fact that it's either a nihilistic tale of the pointlessness of life and the nature of seemingly meaningless, futile decisions, or an account on the importance of responsibility in freedom of choice - depending on who you ask. Whether Pink even has freedom of choice is totally up to interpretation. My personal take on it changes at every watch or listen, so I couldn't even tell you.

I think my fascination comes from the fact that I, too, often struggle with the question of am I truly free. I feel free, yet I feel helplessly enslaved by my addictions, habits and the narratives created by my thoughts.

Just like I battle with trying to figure out my own identity a lot of the time, the character of Pink is always right there with me: is Pink a victim of insurmountable circumstances, or simply a whiny brat, unable to take responsibility of himself. On one hand, you feel sorry for Pink over the fact that he lost his father to war, his mother was overprotective, his teachers were abusive and throughout he his rock career, he struggled with substance abuse brought on to him by these traumas. But at the same time, a lot of people have been able to rise above these types of bad experiences, become stronger as a result and been able to wrestle away negative traumas.

As a disclaimer, these are only my views, I'm not saying that I know for a fact that everything that I see was intentional. Anyways, let's dig in a little deeper.

PART I: Another Brick in the Wall

The story begins with something that seems pointless in the beginning, but becomes very important later on: with the end of an incomplete question "...we came in?"

The first track on the album, "In the Flesh?" starts off the Wall with an aggressive, strong tone, something not really experienced by Pink Floyd prior to this album, which immediately sends a message to the listener that he's in for something darker than what the average Pink Floyd album had been up to that point. Even though Pink Floyd had flirted with serious matters before, such as ageing and dying with the track Time on Dark Side of the Moon, The Wall was definitely the first of its kind in being so overly depressing in nature and tone.

The general sadness is not always in your face, though. I'd argue it's entirely possible to listen to the album, at least the first part of it, without realizing how dark it it, and it probably does require a level of relatedness.

From In the Flesh? we move on to Pink losing his father in what seems to be something of a flashback, which brings us to Pink's days at school. Pink never does well at school, spending his time writing lyrics and wandering around in the depths of his own mind. The teachers at Pink's school are depicted as almost fascistic leaders, which starts a strong theme in the Wall, which is that of anti-fascism, since Pink lost his father to the nazis in World War II, and therefore grows to be very afraid of fascist leaders, both in the real world and in his own head.

Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2 is the most famous song from the album, and it features a child choir singing about wanting to be free from the mind control of the school system, which is given an almost prison camp like look and feel to it in the music video. Pink feels that the school system is not designed to benefit him, but instead the school system is trying to mold Pink into benefiting society.

It raises an interesting question about whether society exists for individuals, or do individuals exist for society.

The Wall doesn't answer this outright, because even though Pink is the protagonist of the story, his life gets all but screwed up in the end, so it's not exactly stated that the choices he makes in his life are the smart choices that one should make. It's possible to look at it through that lense, as well, though.

Pink's young life is very much protected from anything that is potentially negative, by his mother. If the teachers represent the sheer evil of fascist dictators, Pink's mother can be seen as the well-meaning, cushioned welfare state that lovingly hugs the life out of everyone in its grasp, until there's nothing left but a zombie, a living dead creature sleepwalking through life.

That is, until it becomes time to become an adult. Just like in a welfare state, Pink is incapable of taking adult responsibility for himself. The loss of Pink's father can also be seen as depicting the rootlessness of modern western society, where Pink is never able to find his true passion in life, as he only does things he thinks will make him happy, like playing in a rock band, but never truly does - and turns to drugs and other forms of self medication, since he was never allowed to experiment with his life and limits as a kid.

Although likely purely coincidental, the rise of single motherhood makes the story of the Wall all the more current, since the story of Pink's pain of being a boy growing up without a father is a story all too familiar to an ever growing amount of boys in the west.

Pink gets married during his adult years, but since he is already a rock star by that point, the constant touring causes a strain on the marriage, and his wife ends up being unfaithful.

This is followed by the track "Empty Space", in which Pink wonders what to use to fill in the last remaining gaps of his Wall - the completion of which he feels is his only hope because the adult life in the real world is filled with way too many disappointments, pain, responsibilities, betrayal, decisions.. Just too much stuff that Pink doesn't like, too much stuff that isn't cheap and ready made, easy to digest.

Part 1 closes with the track "Goodbye Cruel World", Pink's "suicide note" to the outside world behind the Wall that he has now finished. The suicide, of course, is only metaphorical, and exists purely in his head, since he continues to function in the world, performing with his rock band and continues on with his daily life, but he is not alive, he merely exists.

PART 2: Behind the Wall

After a breakdown leads him brutalizing a one night stand, Pink goes through a transition to something of a living dead, with his mind firmly behind the Wall - which is actually something not too far out of the ordinary for a lot of people in our society, I'd dare claim.

Pink goes from being fully in control of his life and his actions to being more of a spectator in his own life. This is something that is familiar to me as a procrastinator: I often feel like I'm only observing myself, knowing that there are things I should be doing, things I would definitely need to be doing in order to get ahead in my life, but for whatever reason, my body just doesn't do the required work. It's as if the part of me that wants to get all the necessary shit done is locked behind a Wall, and the person in control of my body is someone completely different and can't hear me.

I am able to gain control from time to time, like now, for example, as I'm writing this. But it's almost painfully hard for me to sit down and write all this shit down. It's an almost comforting thought to just withdraw behind a Wall, and put myself autopilot - scrolling through an endless stream of pointless, yet funny, YouTube videos.

This is how I envision Pink being, as well: Pink experienced so much disappointment in his life that maybe he didn't feel like he was fully in control, so he felt it easier to just build his Wall, lock himself behind it and throw away the key, because at least then he wouldn't have to deal with the inconvenience of possibly facing disappointment and failure.

I have to say, though, Pink's life behind the Wall in the late 70s was probably a lot duller than it would be in 2016, since in the track "Nobody Home" Pink makes it known that "I got thirteen channels of shit on the TV to choose from". So, yeah, thirteen channels and that's it. No comments sections or "related videos" to keep him busy, either. This no doubt added to his depression.

My favorite line from that track, however, is "I got amazing powers of observation".

That really stuck with me as a kid, as I remember listening to it, and thinking "Hey, that's me!" and I often feel so weird that it's not too common for me to feel that way about anything. I've always felt that I'm the person who is pretty good at judging character, seeing through people's bullsh*t and things of that nature. Of course, I'm ware that due to Dunning-Kruger, the fact that I think I'm very good at it gives me a reason to doubt myself, but still. I've been demonstrably right a couple of times, when others weren't.

That line in that song was extremely comforting to me when I was younger, since it sort of gave me a permission to not be a super social party animal, because I knew that having great powers of observation was what made me special. It was my skill, and I could use that to compensate for my lack of social skills. So, the song has always been special to me.

The highlight of the second part of the story is Comfortably Numb, a "scene" where Pink has completely slipped into his own dream world, incapable of interacting with the outside world in any way. His drug-induced dreaming is interrupted by his band and tour management, who pump him full of more drugs, these designed to keep him conscious enough to perform on stage that night.

This is no doubt an allegory of what it's like to be a rock musician on the road. You are constantly surrounded by people who care for, and about you, on the surface, but are only interested in what you can do for them at any given moment. Pink's long term health is of no real concern, this is why his drug-induced sleep can be cured with different drugs, because the main important thing is to get him on stage. Even though the best thing for Pink would probably be to try and help him get rid of his drug problem.

This is something that is also apparent in everyday life, not just in the life of a rock star.

We are, in the end, judged by what we can do for others. Our value is determined by what we can give others what we can produce for other people. We can be valued highly by our community one moment, but forgotten about the next, if we lose our ability to produce. For anybody who comprehends how the market works, this is easy to understand. It can, still, be bitter pill to swallow sometimes, and swallowing it sooner or later is something most of us, if not all of us, have to deal with. The people who care about you most likely don't care about you, they care about what they can get from you, what you can do for them.

When there's a lot on the line, they are often ready to pump you up full of whatever drugs they can find you get you up on that stage to perform, to produce.

Starved of any meaningful human connection, drugged up and ready to perform, with his old self locked behind his Wall, Pink climbs up on stage and introduces a new persona.

This persona is that of a fascist leader, who sees his concerts are neo-nazi rallies, rather than rock concerts, with the fans as his adoring public.

Psychoanalysts claim that obsession leads to assimilation; people become consumed by the things they obsess about.

In Pink's case, he became obsessed with the sadness of losing his father to the nazis, the longing for purposeful, worthwhile, significant relationships, and his disdain for the inhuman fascism of his school yeas, which lead to Pink becoming consumed by all these things, resulting in this nazi dictator, devoid of emotions, devoid of a need or want for a loving human touch, a completely cold, emotionless shell of a human being, who gets off on the mistreatment of others.

Far fetched as it may sound, I dare say that this is common. Especially in libertarian circles it's noticeable how often hardcore libertarians, those who are usually of the more lonely sort, resort to being thoughtless and incorrect on purpose, with the intent of hurting someone else's feelings.

And don't get me wrong, in this culture of political correctness, I would agree that ruffling some feathers is necessary and encouraged, even unavoidable, but I have noticed when saying provocative things for the sake of saying provocative things is popular among people who are lonely, and it may be an experience similar to that of Pink's. Perhaps Pink realized that eh wasn't getting a positive response from people as his old self, so he resorted to seeking a negative response.

What matter was the fact that he got response, of any kind, which is ultimately what he always wanted.

Pink's descent into madness gets its climax in the form of a "Trial" after Pink, for a split second, let's a glimpse of human emotion show and feels scared and appalled by this new persona that had seemingly taken full control of his life. The trial is, of course, between Pink and himself. It's Pink's two personas battling each other in order to see who reigns supreme.

EPILOGUE: Isn't This Where We Came In?

The Trial, in a lot of ways, is what the Wall is all about: it combines theatrics and depressing cynicism with irony, with very dark humour, steady nihilism and unhesitating optimism.

The contradictions are done on purpose, since the main purpose is to show all the good and the bad that goes on in one person's head. Pink's two personas are not two different people, they are both Pink, both the same person, both the result of the same experiences, set backs and tribulations. Personally, I don't believe in the concept of "good and bad" people; I believe people are people, and people are a very complex entities, with very few easy answers.

The trial seemingly gets a happy ending , ass chants of "tear down he wall" are heard after the verdict to set Pink free.

However, the most interesting and depressing part of the album occurs at the very end. We hear a tune of calming music and sounds of the Wall being torn down. Pink seems to free from the chains of his madness, seemingly in control of his life again, ready to feel, care and love again. We are left feeling relieved, since experiencing the roller coaster of emotions with Pink can be extremely agonizing, especially if you can somehow relate to it.

This all comes crashing down when the album ends with the words "Isn't this where.."

Earlier on, I mentioned how the album begins with "...we came in?"

This is never fully explained, and it's left to the listener, but what it hints at is that Pink never founds his way out from behind the Wall. The Wall crashes down, but after the dust has settled, Pink finds himself in the same place that he was in, and the story begins again. And this is repeated forever and ever.

The way I've always seen this is that Pink simply loops his negative thoughts over and over, with no end in sight. This is something that depressed people do: they loop their negative emotions, keep nothing else on their playlist and repeat the playlist every day. It's also something that I do.

This is likely a big a reason why it was like a punch in the gut when I heard that at the end of the album, and pieced it together.

You feel for Pink, you want Pink to be able to escape his Wall and be able to live a happy life with love and emotions, but you're left realizing that he never does, he is hopelessly insane, living fully inside the fantasy world of his mind that he had built using the building blocks of traumatic memories and drugs.

Whenever there's a story that you can relate to, you want the protagonist to get a happy ending because it gives you hope, as well. However, with the Wall, there's no such luck, since as soon as you're ready to take a deep breath after experiencing Pink's story, the journey begins again. It's like running a marathon, and then realizing that you somehow haven't even started running it yet, even though at the same time you are tired and exhausted for running a marathon. It's paradoxical, but it best illustrates the anguish that both Pink and the listener are left with.

The Wall remains one of my favorite albums. Actually the "Isn't this where we came in?" part was completely removed from the movie adaptation of the story. I don't know the reasoning behind it, but it's possible that it was too sad and left the story unresolved, so they decided to get rid of it.

I enjoy the Wall every time I choose to experience it, but it's not something I can do every week, or even multiple times a year.

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@schattenjaeger