The Question Is Not Why People Have Anxiety, But Rather Why Not More People Are Paralyzed By It

This is something I've been thinking a lot about after I started having panic attacks in my early thirties. How come I didn't have them in my teens or 20's?

 

Jordan Peterson actually mentions that exact thing in his new book 12 rules for life: An antidote to chaos He says exactly that; The strange thing is not why some people have anxiety or depression, or become alcoholics or drug addicts. The strange thing is why most people don't? We are all crammed together on this planet of death, disease, famine, murder, rape. Any moment you can get cancer, die of a stroke, or some thug can enter your home and rape you and your family. Sure, some things are less likely than others, but in general, life is a pretty scary situation. Often times it's not though, but it's a minefield. All of a sudden boom! Cancer. Done. At least that's what it feels like sometimes.

And that's how it very much indeed feels like when you let chaos-thoughts take over your whole life. When you feel like you don't have control.

Now, I'm a recovering panic-attacker, and anxieteer. That's how I like to view it. I had to endure certain situational circumstances that was out of my control (upbringing, school etc) and life was just a big chaos up until I got my first child. And after a very scary birth where I was left with no control in a very stressful situation, things eventually became too much for me.

But instead of viewing it as a disease or something that had happened to me which was out of my control, I decided I wanted to take control. And that's when a whole lot of passages in my brain opened up. That's when I realized that if you just keep doing the same thing over and over again, there is no wonder why you feel the same all the time. It's like groundhog day - the movie.

So I stated doing differently. I started doing things that were good for me. Clean my house, exercise, stretch, yoga even do some blogging! And guess what - I'm recovering.

"Suffering" from anxiety and depression is in my opinion a lack of feeling of control. The world, and life overwhelms you. That's possibly why there are more women, especially who suffers from anxiety. Eventually, when the glass get filled up to the edge, you're just so damn sensible to every little thing that happens, so your feelings is like touching the skin of someone with a horrible painful skin disease. Every little touch just pains you so much.

What does a person who suffers from severe anxiety do? They often sit around the house and freak out. I remember I always needed to have "buffer" days. If I was going to do something in two days, I did not have the energy to do anything the day before. But ironically that was not the case. The problem was however that since I did NOT do anything the day before, I spent that day freaking out over the next day. No way I was chilling out or having my thoughts elsewhere. How could I? I wasn't doing anything. I let my mind race and go over potential worst case scenarios for the coming day.

Instead, what normal people do - I realized, was to more or less ignore what happens tomorrow and just do whatever you have to do today. Because most people are bound by some sort of obligation every day.

Unfortunately, in the modern world, more and more people are NOT obligated to things. We don't have tasks, either given to us by someone else or by ourselves every day. In the past, people had tasks that were required of them, or else they died. There was simply no time for anxiety attacks. You had to face actual death every day. Now, that is not the ideal way to live. I'm not one who wishes back to a savage life style. But in the modern world, many are yet to learn how to structure their lives. Take control of their lives.

And it's especially sad how people who experience anxiety often just ends up on drugs and medication which not even help them. When you get a sick leave and end up on non-permanent benefits or even permanent benefits you're not exactly encouraged to improve your life. Ideally, to be entitled to receive help (which is from taxes that you were forced to pay in the first place..in case you needed help..remember how that works?) you should just lay on the couch and watch TV shows. Try to do something or improve your life by yourself is very dangerous, because you could lose your benefits. The incentive is not to be well. For most people it's more important to win that golden ticket of benefits than to actually get better. No, it's much better to wait for a shrink for two years and take medication and stagnate completely.

But now I'm rambling on about the problems with the welfare state again. What really was the topic here was why not everyone are just balls of desperation and anxiety. You're going to fucking DIE for gods sake!! DIE! Probably of cancer or a stroke. It WILL happen. Do you realize that? YOU will fucking die. So will your precious child. Your wife. Everyone you know and have ever cared for will die.

How does that not frighten and paralyze you from being able to do anything? Well..by doing something. As long as you are preoccupied with something other than freaking out about death and problems - you are good. It's like ignore mechanism. You just put death and disease on ignore. Just tell yourself that yes, I'm dead soon. So lighten up and have fun. What's the big deal?

And it's amazing how little it actually takes. Little things every day that you look forward to. The daily run. A tv-show (but don't binge!) a glass of wine (don't become an alcoholic!), driving, listening to the radio while doing the dishes, hanging out with your kid, going to the beach, shopping mall, a hike in the forest with family or alone, holiday?!

I think the most important life lesson for me has been to learn how to enjoy several different things every day, and almost force myself to have a positive view on things. Instead of thinking about the negative things, like how far a drive is, and how annoying the people you are visiting are - focus on other things. How cool it will be to see a different place. Spending time with your family. And interesting, not boring, to visit those people. Perhaps you can learn something when observing them.

Anxiety and depression and all other feelings will however always be with you. They are NORMAL. Let's not emphasize too much on those words. They carry so much stigma. Make no mistake, when you've made it as far as I did in my anxiety career, it's a LONG way back. I had for example trouble driving. Imagine not noticing that you hyperventilate, and then out of the blue you can't move your fingers or legs..that's scary when you're driving. Try keep driving and repeating that for over 2 years. Every time you drive into the tunnel where that happened the first time, your pulse goes to 200. It took me over 2 years to overcome that. But I kept driving in that fucking tunnel. Until one day the anxiety just bored me. Yeah yeah, high pulse, sweating, whatever. Boring.

I can still get that hint of anxiety every now and then driving - but when it does arrive I greet it more with curiosity than anything else. Aha! It's here. Interesting. And then of course..that interest, not scare, makes it dissappear as fast as it came.

And I also know my own limitations much better than before. I used to just work and work all the time. Worked night shifts and then did my own thing during the day. That's simply too much. The only positive thing was of course that I now have some financial freedoms that I otherwise would not have. So personally, I still have some ways to go. I would not say I am completely well yet - but at least I've found the cure. Structure, exercise, and most importantly doing the things you want to get better at. If you want to get better at having anxiety, then freak out about things. If you DON'T want to get better at having anxiety, but rather want to learn how to NOT have anxiety, then do things that don't produce anxiety. It is actually very simple. But it takes A LOT of time, and a lot of repeating. And that's where I am going to give the finger to public healthcare. Drugs is not the solution.

Anxiety and depression is not a chemical imbalance or a disease. It's a wrong way of thinking - simply put. And to re-learn how to think takes a long time. Years. And most people don't even know this, so they have no way of building them selves up. And then their lives are over - and they are paralyzed by anxiety for the rest of their miserable lives.

 
 

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