THE CHURCH AND HIV... THIS IS EMERGENCY

I haven't even asked him a thing since i have been here.
Am wondering how i got myself messed up like this in the first place
I never missed a Sunday service till i turned 20
I can not remember why i stopped going to commune
Saturday sleep over i guess has eaten so deep into my core fabric

God i don't even know what to say now
''.., come upon me all ye that are heavy hearted''
I guess that what your scripture says, right?
If that's true, i need you now than ever
Strengthen me and carry my burden cus it too heavy for me
Hope and confidence to bear the shame

Am thinking about taking this test but am too scared to leave up with the aftermath
Maybe i should learn to live with this thing and wait till you call
And perhaps i would be closely knitted into you
Am truly helpless and nervous now
Now i know no one is timely beautiful

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The fabric that covers bones sure would never smell fresh
So take good care of it chastily
A part of me think am losing it
Am scarcely impressed at the smiles i see on your faces
Walking ogres

Now i take no pleasure in what gave me deaf ears
Those moments i so much pleasured in is vanity
I think am HIV positive
But i can not share this knowledge with anyone

Sometimes i have thought of just taking a quick exit
Before anyone would even care like they care
A quit deliberate exit would be cowardice i think
So here i am at last not knowing exactly how to start
Should i accept this as a fair share of youthful delinquency or what

But LORD am afraid to go home
No body is gonna understand me like you do
Who do i talk to now and where and how would i ever start?
This is an emergency Lord, Please do not pay deaf ear on me.