An important early lesson in an individual's life is that they can't get what they want. As a species, we really aren't designed to get all that we desire. Remember in the Matrix when they told him that people can't be put into the Matrix, simply to be too happy because they reject it. After years of coaching and teaching, I have seen this to be true, time and again. That isn't me just judging others, I do it all the time. The easiest example is when you have much work to do but are too tired, emotionally, to handle it. Many people either shut down or rev up. I am personally a revver, until the point that I am not.

Everyone Loves a Work-a-Holic... Right?

I can easily and without a doubt tell you that this is not true. In fact, I find that many people don't like to work, let alone to be around a person who wants to work. My personal favorite is because I work for myself that people tend to think that I don't work at all.

Over the years, I have come to notice that defending my job as a freelance writer is no different than when I was in my teen years, before ever reading tarot professionally or writing from anywhere, I worked on sex lines now and then. Strangely, I would get the same questions as I do now. I have had people literally try to shame me since I refuse to get a real job.

This is a rant for another day. The point that I am going to make is that people are first and foremost, out for themselves. In many cases, children, spouses and close friends are sometimes seen as an extension of the self. We see this in codependent natures as people try to please those around them at the expense of themselves and where they give away their power. We see this with driven people who put all of their focus into one or two areas of their life and miss out. Whether you are a revver like me or someone that throws stress on the shelf, ultimately, how you deal with what brings you down has to be on you. If we are the only ones that can change our habits then aren't we responsible to do so?

At the end of the day, you have to choose what your life is worth to you and what you want to do with it. 

From there, you have to actually do it and that isn't always so simple, especially when you aren't sure what is causing the problem.

Step 1: Determine What Is Holding You Back

There may be a lot of things getting in your way and at times this may feel like the world is against you but is this real? When you're depressed it is. When you're angry it is. When you are at just about any elevated sense of emotion, your perception will be skewed. That means that at that time, you're going to see the world differently than you would at other times. This is ideal for happiness, as you are possibly able to see the world through rose colored glasses and it may seem easier to do certain tasks. When you're happy, it is easier to be inspired and you have less in your way between you and whatever goal you lay out.

My experience tells me that who or what is causing you a problem is less important than what you do about it. In the past we all have things that happen. Each event contributes to this overall picture that is our lives. Each one of us has difficulties in one area or another. The toughest part is that ultimately, no matter what our past holds or held, at the end of the day there is just you. So, really, what does it matter who or what is in your way? The only thing that is your way is you and you have the power to control where you go from here. So the bigger question is where do you want to go?

How Your Perception Can Hurt Your Long Game

What about if you're not happy and you don't have any goals? What if you are blah and you have a bunch of different goals? Think of it this way, you're in the woods and you want to find your way to the city, but you can't see anything around you because there are trees for days and you can't see through to find a way. What do you do?

The Lie of Managing it All

Studies have shown that multitasking isn't as much of a thing as we think. Those that pride themselves in being excellent multi-taskers are probably lying to themselves. Recent studies have shown that multitasking is generally ineffective and that less than 5% of people actually can do it effectively. This means that when you tell yourself that you can conquer the world, you're essentially lying to yourself. It may empower you in the moment, but it isn't going to help you when things start to crash down around you.

The truth is, we can all only do so much. Multi-tasking effectively takes the focus from one task that you may or may not already do well. It shifts this focus through multiple channels and means that you are now fractured between any number of tasks that are going to use your brain equally. You create a strain and a set of bad habits that create more challenges for you in the future.

If you're agile and able, you climb to the top of a tree and see further ahead then that is your best bet. You can also look around and find some clues that perhaps there is other life in the woods. You can look around you and use whatever you have available and you have your brain. This is where depression is a bitch. It is this incessant voice in your head telling you that you aren't worth it and what is worse, YOU BELIEVE IT!

The Cycle Continues

This is where it comes down to you being your own worst enemy at times. Getting caught up in the bigger pictures means you are focusing beyond yourself, giving power to someone or something else and thus diluting how much you are worth. What matters is what is going on with you now, what you can do to change the course of action and what you are actually actively engaged in to do so.

Managing Perceptions

What you think matters only to yourself because as thoughts happen you are the only one personally affected by them at that moment. You can think all of the most wonderful things in the world and you won't get anywhere.

*This is why they say that "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".

While you can't manage it all, you certainly have it within your power to manage yourself, your perception and the bubble that you control.

What you know matters little. What you know matters only if you have proof and validation for yourself to remind what you know through tested means of experience. This is why journaling is so important and is pushed in psychology, magick, education and many other areas of life.

Journaling with Intent

Writing down factual evidence of what you did during the day and how you felt in the moment. This practice isn't just sitting down to write for the sake of writing, it is doing so in order to focus on something specific and to provide yourself with daily or weekly (depending on how often you journal) so that later on when you are focusing on how you are a burden to everyone around you, you're ugly or stupid and whatever else mean that you happen to say to yourself. The trick is to pick topics that reflect your areas of struggle so that you have something to counteract them when you're down.

This practice can help you to be aware of the circumstances of now as well as the following:

• Realizing that you only have now and working to live in the moment
• Resolve issues with others more easily
• Communicate concisely and see other people's perspective beyond your own
• Practicing daily affirming tasks and being aware of your surroundings
• Being mindful of the truth of the situation and seeing the positive truths that we all fail to see sometimes.

Moving Beyond Yourself

Communication is a skill. When you first start journaling, you really only need to do it about 20 minutes a day. Studies show that up to an hour is effective and can give the most clarity. More than that and you run the risk of practicing rhetoric or fixating. I always suggest to students to go over any specifically difficult days with their sounding board, that is, a person that they trust and feel that there is a reciprocal understanding of perspective.

The key to moving beyond yourself is that you get that bigger picture and you start to learn how to be more gentle with that which is important (NEWSFLASH: That's YOU) and more critical of the world that demands your intention. You only have so many hours in the day to have active brain power flowing. By taking a log of yourself, you are able then to put your actual focus elsewhere because within time, knowing yourself becomes second nature.

*YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND CARED FOR, DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENTLY!"
Even if that person that says it to you is you, they are lying!