How to help your wife through childhood trauma - Real Love NEVER Gives up!
HELLO FELLOW STEEMIANS
I decided to write this article because i love my wife
No matter all the ups and downs we go through, i truly love my wife. Right now she is sitting behind me in my office as i type this, none the wiser as to what i am writing about. It has not been easy being newlyweds nor did we ever expect it to be. I never expect things in my life to be perfect, i just always hope to have the best life i can and these days things are beginning to look great for my life.
Me and my wife have been through a lot together, and often talk about sharing our story with others. There is some inspiration to be found in the struggles we've gone had to over come to reach a place a of happiness. After all no marriage is easy, and i always say anything in life worth having is always gonna take some work.
My wife has a lot of child hood trauma
This is not something i enjoy talking about, but she is brave enough to have confronted her past and she tells her story to other people in hopes it might inspire them or someone they know. She has a song called "Pieces" that you can listen to here. It gives some details into some things she went through as a child. She just had some really bad people around her, and i'm sure by now you can probably guess what her "uncle" might have done.
Needless to say i've always felt a strong empathy for her and what she had to endure as a child.
I have learned a lot in the last few years being with my wife. I have learned how to deal with life in a different way and the things i have learned can apply to so many different things in life.
If you are someone who is dealing with what i was, i'm here to help..and here's some tips for you.
YOU ARE NOT A SHRINK
It's not easy to see someone you love hurting and going through pain from anything. And it's natural to want to help and fix the problem for them. But not helping, and just being an anchor for someone to lean on and talk to sometimes is all a person needs..this is something i had to learn on my own and the hard way. I always trying to "fix" my wifes issues instead of just absorbing it and giving her room to deal with things on her own. I would get frustrated because she wouldn't follow my advice or listen to my suggestions on what worked for me when i was going through my prison situation. Learn to listen and trust me this helps ALOT.
BE STRONG
Be that anchor that i mentioned before. If your wife or anyone that you know has gone through some serious childhood trauma, then they might even have PTSD. It's going to be extremely rough dealing with the lashing out, and the situation might seem impossible at some points. But you have to take it all in stride and use LOVE as your anchor to hold things down. Be a man, step up and be strong for your woman.
SHE ISN'T TALKING TO YOU
My wife over the years has really said some mean thing's to me. She has gotten angry with me for no reason, and a lot of the time she was just projecting her anger from her childhood on to me. It might be hard to see it at first, but if you have a wife who has had some trauma then try to keep this in mind the next time she lashes out at you. It might come from nowhere, and you could feel like you guys are in a good space, and then all of a sudden she's angry. Sure it could be because you didn't put down the toilet seat, but chances are she has some latent reactions to things that happened in her past.
BE SUPPORTIVE
Always be supportive for the things your wife is trying to do with herself. My wife is also an artist like myself, and i've always been supportive of her dreams to make music and build a fan base. In fact i've even helped her achieve some of those dreams by being supportive. If she wants to go see a therapist, and maybe you don't like the idea of therapy? Still be supportive and show her that you care about how she feels and thinks. This can go a long way with someone who doesn't know how to properly trust, it shows them that they can trust you.
HAVE LIMITS, TAKE ACTION
If you feel like your partner has been treating completely unfair, and they have been going overboard with how they talk then you might have to take some action. What i mean is, in the beginning before we got married i broke up with my wife for a little while because she was treating me very poorly. It wasn't until this happened that things hit her so hard and she could see how much she pushed me away. It's hard to do but sometimes you have to be strong enough to leave or something else to get them to see themselves.
DON'T GIVE UP
If you say you love someone, then you should never give up on them..at least thats how i feel about it. It's always easier to just throw in the towel and tell yourself that it isn't worth it. But loving someone, that feeling is always worth it to keep. And just try to keep in mind while going through the trials what the reward you will get....
I hope this blog reaches someone who could use the information within, please love all you can people..it's what keeps all of us and the universe as one.
Peace and Bliss!
Really great post and to be honest, one I needed to see. I am currently pretty pissed right now because of the very thing you have descibed. This really helped calm me down as I read it. Instead of replaying the actions that hurt me during the lash out, I was able to focus on your words and message. I was really able to feel your love for your wife, which instantly made me focus on the love I have for mine. Thank you! It is not easy to remember that the face your looking at in those moments is the face of pain, hurt, trauma, etc; not the face of her true self. Its even harder to work through these moments when you yourself had a traumatic upbringing. Things have been hard for my wife and I over the years, but we make each other better people at the end of the day and that is really hard to find. Only soul mates in my opinion have the strength to endure. I see that you found yours as I have found mine. Keep up the great work here on steemit my friend. Cheers
Dude this comment really touched me. You have just summed it all up man, im so glad that i made this post when i did so that you could see it...so interesting i am creating a post about synchronicity as you replied..and now this post proves synchronicity is real! and yes, i agree with the soul mates thing, me and my wife consider ourselves Twin Flames...look into that if you haven't very interesting stuff.. i am happy you got something from the post bro, its rough out here, but lets keep building each other up! ..Peace and bliss
I was thinking the same thing about the timing. There is so much content I miss here on Steemit, just because of the volume, but more often then not on this platform I end up seeing the posts I need to see the most. What is really special about Steemit, I think is the connectedness that is within this platform/community that is so organic and not a result of our privacy being stripped from us like other social media sites. Steem on brother, keep the rise of the waters so all fish can swim. Will def check out the twin flames. Peace!
Steem on!
You are a gem of a person. So many people give up or walk out instead of understanding. Most people don't understand PTSD, and I understand that. It, is very real, though. Obviously, you are not the proverbial "doormat" either, as you have clearly set limits. The love, kindness and patience you have shown will come back to you a thousand times greater. Universal Law- We get we we give.... Great post. Thank you for writing it.
@weq thank you so much. This type of love is unconditional and i am glad to have a life that i allow myself to this for myself and for people in my life. Thank you for your response its much appreciated
Thank you :)
KNOWLEDGE is power.
Most people fail at relationships because of unforeseen happenings.
Most issues stem from financial problems.
Have you ever had someone come to you at the wrong time and suffer because of it.
Bad day because bills are due, dog is sick, wife wants a move, friend moved away car broke down...I can go on.
Cryptocurrency investing eliminates most things that cause your bad day. Nobody has to suffer and EVERYONE has the opportunity to prosper. Bills are paid, Veterinary Concierge (cough), wife is choosing area to build your new house closer to where your friend moved while you shop for a new Tesla.
Any Questions.
1 By 1.
Yes man, finances have played a roll in my relationship. Thankfully not too much, and now that i am in crypto world it wont be much of an issue at all anymore
Don't stop thinking about tomorrow , be strong in yourself and it will project itself on someone else
this is great advice! thank you for reading and your comment.